Reality Check

On Monday morning I weighed a pound less that I had weighed during the rest of this month. So I believed I was finally beginning to lose the 3 pounds I gained during treatment for c-diff. Confident that I was doing whatever I needed to lose weight, I stopped weighing for a few days. After all many 'normal eating' experts suggest that we only weigh once a week. Only on very restrictive diets do we notice weight loss every day.

To my surprise (and disappointment) I had regained that lost pound when I weighed today. Nevermind that I ate more salty foods during the past two days. Nevermind that I ate half a fudgesicle while sweeping the garage, I consumed extra licks of peanut butter and almond butter while transferring both to smaller containers, I ate dessert after dinners when I felt full and I have eaten to the point of obviously full for the past few days. Obviously I can easily fall back into the same habits that made me gain the weight, especially when I feel confident that I'm eating just enough to lose weight.

My husband weighs almost every day. He says daily weighing keeps him honest. I agree. I'm not really overweight according to most height/weigh charts. Some of my clothes fit (but not all). I can easily compare myself to other people and think, 'why bother losing 3 pounds'. Then I see all the clothes that don't fit as well with 3 extra pounds. I have not binged for almost 5 months now, but I remember all the 'almost binges' where I overate to the point of feeling stuffed, but stopped before I purposely binged and purged. I can easily forget all the reasons I gained the weight and continue to hold onto that extra weight. I can ratioinalize that I'm eating healthy food. However that number on the scale reminds me that I'm just eating too much healthy food at meals and eating snacks (or licks and tastes) when I'm not really hungry.

Seeing that number on the scale won't throw me into restrictive diet mode. I know that extreme restriction just leads to extreme deprivation. Acknowledging extra weight won't 'trigger' a binge/purge episode. I'm waaay beyond that mindset. I don't like feeling too full and I abhor throwing up. Realizing that I either didn't lose a pound or I regained a pound doesn't even make me feel upset. If I'm well (recovered from c-diff), I will STILL go to Maui. I just want to weigh 3 pounds less to fit into more of my clothes. Those 3 pounds remind me that I'm not eating only when I'm hungry. I may start eating when I feel hungry, but I don't stop when I feel satisfied. I'm wasting food by overeating and that 'waste' goes to my waist. LOL So I intend to weigh daily (same time, same state of dress) for the next 6+ weeks. If the scale does nothing else, it will give me a daily reality check.

BTW I still don't know whether I'm recovered from c-diff. I stopped taking high dose probiotics 2 days ago. Now I take the lower dose (8-12 billion good bacteria per capsule) probiotcs once a day and hope for the best. I still have some cramping pain, but the location changed. Before c-diff treatment I had left lower abdominal pain. Now I have right sided pain and nothing on the left. I also still have soft (normal) stools, but I also have frustrating frequency (I go 4-5x a day). Nevertheless I feel more energetic, absolutely no nausea and undecided. I really don't want to go back on vancomycin, if I don't have constipation (one of my main c-diff symptoms). So I will continue to 'wait and see'. I've read so many c-diff websites that say taking lots of probiotics can prevent recurrent c-diff infectioins. So I'll just keep taking lower dose probiotics and pray for healing.