Good Food Gone Bad

Despite my ongoing struggle with gastrointestinal cramps, bloating and gas, I suspect I ate some moldy food yesterday and then again today. As I prepared a chicken salad sandwich spread for lunch today, I noticed the top edge of a hummus and (homemade) mayonnaise mixture jar had mold. Unfortunately, I noticed that AFTER I put a large spoonful of that mixture into my chopped celery, herbs and chicken. After I noticed the mold on the jar, I carefully picked out moldy parts of the hummus mix. I thought the mold was limited to the edge, not throughout the mixture.

However, I previously had bad gastro symptoms yesterday afternoon and last night after eating a sandwich of deli turkey with the hummus-mayo spread on one slice of bread. Ironically, even after remembering those uncomfortable symptoms and seeing mold on the upper edge of the jar, I risked even MORE symptoms, when I chose to eat one open-faced sandwich with the chicken salad with hummus mixture. Part of me assumed that I got rid of all the mold. So there wasn't any in my sandwich spread. The other part of me suspected this mold wasn't like mold on cheese. Maybe just cutting off the moldy part didn't mean the rest was safe. Nevertheless, I took a chance, ate the spread on an English muffin half and hoped for the best.

Unfortunately I didn't feel so well about an hour after lunch. Nausea and bloating told me that picking out what may have been moldy and throwing out the obvious mold, when I cleaned the jar, didn't prevent symptoms. At one point stomach pain made me wonder if I'd get so nauseas that I would throw up. However, after recalling my last experience with hangover induced nausea, throwing up and continual reflux, I decided to treat the nausea with ginger tea to prevent throwing up.

Now I have to ask myself: WHY do I take chances with food like that? Why do I eat foods which could be contaminated by mold or bacteria, which could make me sick? Why do I risk getting sick by 'finishing up' foods which have been in the refrigerator too long? Why do I risk getting sick by eating reheated leftovers?

I realize my thrifty but risky eating habits were influenced by several people. First, my mom got very angry if I didn't want to 'clean my plate' at meals. Not only would she force me to sit at the table until I DID clean my plate, but she would always tell me how hard she worked to put food on the table. I often had to eat cold, unappetizing food late at night just so I could go to bed. Not surprisingly, I often work up ill and threw up during the night, especially after eating cold, unappetizing food. My mother always explained that as 'stomach flu'. However her complaints about hard work obligated me to eat as much as she served me. Ironically I was also teased and scolded for being 'chubby', while I had to clean my plate. I grew up feeling very ashamed when I asserted my desire to stop eating when I felt full. I learned to NOT 'waste' food, or risk being punished.

Ironically I married a man who hated 'wasting money on food'. He would eat well when someone else paid for the food, but he preferred to spend his own money on other things. For many years, while he handled household finances, I believed we were 'poor'. When we both worked in well-paying jobs, he banked my salary and gave me a very limited grocery allowance from his pay check. I never had access to the savings account. I let him handle finances, because he had training in accounting. Meanwhile I learned to cook almost everything from scratch, raise produce and freeze that for future use, and shop very frugally. Years later I learned he had invested all our savings, double mortgaged our house and accumulated much more debt, through risky investments, which he never recovered.

Initially, I decided to redouble my thrifty efforts, while we paid off all those debts. However I soon learned he had no intention of doing without any of his usual pleasures (like season tickets to football games), while I did without to pay off the 'family debt'. Although I had endured unfair treatment during childhood, I FINALLY decided I didn't want to be married anymore to someone who dishonestly treated me unfairly.

Fortunately my thrifty methods helped me survive starting over on my own with a marginally profitable business to support myself. Nevertheless, experiences with limited resources for food shaped my eating habits. I swung between restricting my consumption of inexpensive food to bingeing on very cheap food. I continued to feel guilty about spending money on food for many years.

After living alone for 7 years in a 20 year old house with a leaky roof, which I 'won' from my divorce settlement, I eventually remarried a man who loved me unconditionally even after he knew my history with food and eating. He also vowed to never deny me any food I wanted. Of course I continued to either deny myself food during my restrictive periods or 'waste' lots of food during binges. However, I seldom saw my new husband 'waste' food. He carefully took small first servings and only took 'seconds', when he knew I didn't want more. He clipped coupons and helped me shop frugally, even though he wanted to buy me more. I rarely saw him throw away any food. He occasionally would leave 2 bites on his plate and then put that in the refrigerator for future consumption. However, he usually forgot about that food. So I eventually threw out his moldy leftovers. He repeatedly told me I didn't have to 'clean my plate' and that I could throw out food. However, he modeled just the opposite behavior: He rarely left food. He rarely served himself more food than he could eat.

I couldn't understand why he gained weight during our marriage. I considered him a 'normal eater'. Then I learned that he snacked after dinner on foods he really liked (peanuts, candy, cookies), after he politely ate small portions of meat and vegies I served for dinner. That reminds me of when I endured my mother's horrible dinners, but I snacked after school (before dinner) on 'forbidden' cookies, which I preferred to mom's dinners.

I FINALLY learned to stop eating when I felt satisfied, before my plate was clean. I've described in this blog my experiences with storing or throwing out what remained on my plate after I stopped eating. However, I continued to frugally 'use up' foods that had been in the refrigerator or freezer awhile, by planning my meals around those foods. Even after I had been treated for 2 different intestinal bacteria, a fungus and a parasite, possibly all from contaminated foods, I STILL planned my meals according to what needed to be 'used up'. Although, during the past few years, I started freezing leftovers into 'tv dinners' on the nights those were first prepared, I seldom suspect condiments might be contaminated ... until today.

I recall one incident after my mom died, when I cleaned out her refrigerator and prepared and ate a meal with old 'Cheez Whiz' before looking at the expiration date. Of course I got very ill after consuming that product.

More recently, 2 years ago in Maui, I packed chicken sandwiches for a beach picnic. However we swam and sunbathed before eating those sandwiches. So I suspect they developed some bacteria sitting in 80+ degree weather. We ate them anyway. Later than night I woke up very ill and dry heaved for several hours afterwards. My husband just got a little bacteria. A later stool culture indicated that I had high levels of a bad (but not the worst) bacteria from the E. Coli family. I never again packed meat sandwiches for 'away from home' lunches.

Now I wonder whether my thrifty food habits have contributed to my recurrent gastrointestinal symptoms (with emphasis on the 'gas' part LOL). Everytime I have been treated for infections and then taken huge amounts of probiotics to reestablish the 'good bacteria' in my gut, I haveno disturbing symptoms for awhile. Then slowly all my cramping pain, gas and bloating return. Then I get another stool test which reveals another gastro infection and the cycle starts again. For awhile I thought that hypochloridia (low stomach acid) caused my recurrent infections, because I didn't have enough stomach acid to kill off food born bacteria. However I've been taking HCl with every meal for over a year. 6 months ago I was diagnosed with an intestinal parasite and a recurrent fungus. Treatment with an antiparasitic drug and an antifungal drug eliminated the pain. I seemed to get better for awhile. Now I'm back to square one, except this time my symptoms were worse than gas, bloating and cramping pain. Today I felt nauseas, chilled and headachy before dinner. I still don't feel well several hours after dinner.

DO I DESERVE SAFE FOOD? I don't just mean non allergy foods. I mean DO I DESERVE TO THROW OUT OLD, POSSIBLY CONTAMINATED FOOD? HOW OFTEN DO I MAKE MYSELF SICK BY 'NOT WASTING' FOOD? DOES MY FRUGAL EATING ATTITUDE PERPETUATE MY GASTROINTESTINAL SYMPTOMS???

I don't know how to answer all those questions right now. So I'll consider the answers in another blog post.