I've written previously about my struggle to stop eating when I feel 'satisfied'. I've tried several suggested techniques with limited success. However, I recently read comments by Karen Koenig (author of 'The Rules of Normal Eating') on her 'Food & Feelings' board about how we may not want to stop eating, if we don't feel passionate about anything else in our lives, besides eating. Karen said about how to stop eating when satisfied:
"(1) If you eat with awareness without distractions and keep asking yourself if you're still hungry or are satisfied yet, you will reach an ah-ha moment. That is when you may want more food because it's there, but know you've had enough. Don't focus on what you can't have, but all the good you get from stopping. If you have trouble in this area, return to reframing beliefs. That's probably where you're stuck. Regularly leaving food on your plate is a great idea. Also, try noticing that you want more food, ie, that it's a feeling/urge you have, without acting on it and observe how it passes.
(2) When you start to realize it takes less food than previously to satisfy and fill you up, you may feel angry, disappointed, or sad--all natural feelings. Acknowledge them. Also try looking for the positive in the situation--you don't need to buy as much food, spend as much on large quantities, or even take up so much time eating. Of course, if you don't have much of a life, that's not good news! It means, however, that you have to create more passion for yourself. Food is pleasurable, but there should be many, many things which bring you more joy, satisfaction, happiness, etc. than what's on your plate or in the refrigerator. Food is a poor substitute for living a meaningful, passionate life."
In response to questions about living a passionate life, Karen said:
"Food is too often the highlight of a day or of one's life. Take a minute to think if that's true for you. Are you someone for whom life is full? Do you feel empty inside and disconnected from all the wondrous possibilities around you? Only you can define what engages you, what makes you feel energized and alive. If you move mechanically from one boring activity to another, if you're surrounded by people who don't make you feel warm and fuzzy, food may, indeed, be the most exciting, stimulating, satisfying activity in your world. It doesn't matter what your passions are: crossword puzzles, music, writing, hiking, para-sailing, volunteering. Food should bring pleasure for sure, but not be your only pleasure. Over-focusing on food too often means that it's the center of your life, not simply an integral part of it."
Karen's comments made me begin to wonder about my 'passions'. 20 years ago I passionately lived, breathed and even dreamed about painting. I supported myself by selling my watercolor paintings in arts & crafts fairs, juried shows, galleries and commissioned projects. I even taught others how to paint. When I initially began painting for 'fun', my ex-husband, my mom and my MIL had other ideas about what I 'should' do with my time. So I made my 'hobby' my business, to legitimize what I loved to do. My MIL and mom continued to rant about doing more with and for them. However, my ex encourages me, because I earned more $$, which he 'managed' until I learned he spent everything I didn't spend on painting supplies.
After we divorced, I supported myself with my watercolor business for 7 years. I lived alone and spent my days painting, framing or selling paintings. However, in order to profit from my business I let my customers and gallery owners began to dictate what I painted. As my passion became a business, I spent less time painting and more time selling. I resisted suggestions about how I could increase my income, because those suggestions required even more time away from painting (like working with printmakers to make prints of my paintings). I just wanted to paint. However, I often felt lonely on holidays and wanted to remarry.
7 years after my divorce, I did remarry. We didn't need my income from painting to live a comfortable life. (Of course 'comfort' for a struggling artist, like me, required much less than people who were accustomed to more. Nevertheless, I eventually began to listen to people who suggested I find more lucrative pursuits. I didn't 'need' to earn money from my painting, but I hadn't painted for 'fun' for so many years that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I also became overwhelmed with domestic chores, like landscaping, cooking, decorating (all creative pursuits, but not painting).
I painted less and focussed more on my health as I developed painful symptoms, then had major surgery, suffered new symptoms, and finally was diagnosed with celiac disease, 7 food allergies and many gastrointestinal complications (of previous misdiagnoses). Sometime during all that I completely stopped painting and drawing. During the past 7 years I led a ThinWithin support group for 2 years, moderated my own website for women struggling with disordered eating, led a celiac support group for 2 years, organized 2 annual celiac awareness walks and learned how to cook and eat with 7 food allergies, while I received diagnoses of and treatments for bacterial dysbiosis, candida and a parasite in my intestines. Maybe my passion changed from painting to 'health'. However, I recently tired of leading my CD support group.
I wanted time to pursue sewing, which I began to learn after I stopped painting, before I developed painful symptoms. Yet I have also continued to post online. I started and deleted 6 previous blogs. I fear I will eventually delete this blog. As much as I love writing, I can't believe a left-brained pursuit, like writing, is my 'passion'. I'm so accustomed to right-brained creative activities like painting, sewing, landscaping, interior decorating, even cooking. Several people have suggested I write a book. Another person asked me to help rewrite workbooks. As much time as I spend posting online and in blogs, I just don't want to commit to a large project like a book or even writing for 'other people'. So I currently feel confused about my 'passion'. Maybe that influences my struggle to stop eating when I feel 'satisfied'. I know food never satisfies all my needs. I need to express myself creatively, but how?????
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9 comments:
For me, my passions are things that I don't feel stressed about making time for. Reading is one of those things. I absolutely LOVE getting lost in a good book. Writing is relaxing and therapeutic for me, but it's not something I can do for anyone else for money cause I have my own ideas about what makes something "good". Singing in choirs makes me SO incredibly happy. Planning, mucking, and nurturing a garden is soothing to my soul.
Things that I enjoy, but aren't my passion are generally things that have a disappointing outcome. Like sewing. Or painting. I'm not expert enough at either to feel happy with the finished product, and it makes me less inclined to continue. It usually has to do with my confidence in myself whether a hobby is something I carry on with or not.
Thanks, April. Especially helpful was your last sentence "It usually has to do with my confidence in myself whether a hobby is something I carry on with or not." That may explain why I'm passionate about alterations, but hesitant about constructing a garment from a pattern. Most patterns require soooo much alteration to make them fit my (or anyone's) body. I've experienced lots of difficulties and thrown out lots of my garment mistakes from using patterns. I do have a few patterns which I use repeatedly, because I've continually altered those few patterns to fit me perfectly.
So perfectionism or 'fear of failure' may be a huge factor in determining whether I pursue a passion. I drafted another post in which I listed what I feel passionate about and which activities make me lose track of time. I'll consider how fear of failure inhibits me from following some of the passions I list.
What I meant by 'alterations', which I enjoy doing, is altering store bought garments that almost fit or even garments I previously made, but want to improve the fit.
This is interesting. I have a perspective personally that is different than yours or your situation, Sue, but the post is intriguing.
For me, I overeat rarely now because my overeating really had nothing to do with boredom. I don't graze or binge. I eat three solid meals with snacks if needed and a brown in a small portion at night.
It was much more about the biochemical stuff. Now that I'm taking care of that, I can eat, and that's that. No struggle really... no wanting to eat more than a regular portion (though I don't do the ND thing. I eat enough to feel satisfied mentally and physically... not just no longer hungry. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's what my particular body loves). However, I could not have said that before this program, and the further I am into solid steps, the better. I am told, too, that as time goes on, my body will probably want less food and I will truly "know" exactly how much I need to eat. It is tough for a person with blood sugar, BE, and serotonin issues to feel full at first, but now I know that feeling. :)
I am feeling steady, steady these days. The Non-Dieting folks would have said I was lacking passions in life and that I was filling them with food, but it was not that for me at all... I was actually eating to put a salve or to fix biochemical deficiencies. Those issues are being fixed by eating different foods; as a result, I am more free to follow my passions.
I am a true introvert, but I have so many things I love to do that I never feel lonely. Like a true SS person, I have to balance my passions or I get too involved and use them to get myself off balance (or to get a high).
Anyhow, that's a book... but there it is. :)
Hi Lisa: If I shared exactly what I eat daily, my diet would closely resemble yours, as far as quality, but probably not the quantity, because I need less to sustain my 100#. So I suspect I'm very 'biochemically' stable. I never followed the RR program, but gradually, over the years figured out what combination of foods prevented hypoglycemic reactions (including mood swings). Of course getting diagnosed with CD and 6 other food allergies pretty much removed all white sugar, white flour from my diet. Leaky gut removed all alcohol derived sweetners (like sorbitol). I no longer consume caffeine or alcohol, because that influences reflux.
Sooo I'm not overeating due to biochemical imbalance. In fact, you would probably not consider my amounts 'overeating' at all. However I have problems digestion, because I was misdiagnosed with 'gastritis' and prescribed antiacid and acid blockers for too many years. That impaired my natural production of stomach acid so badly that I need HCl capsules to digest fats and proteins and have needed to fight some intestinal infections (bacteria, fungus and parasite), which normal levels of stomach acid should have killed off.
Some of my 'overeating' (fullness rather than no longer hungry) is related to my reluctance to snack when hungry between meals. Before I eat, I need to remove my invisiline braces, then take digestive enzymes to digest anything with fats or proteins. I have found Hazelnut milk provides balanced fats/carbs/protein to stabilize my blood sugar and not require removal of my retainers. However that costs $2.50 per quart, and I prefer to use it on cereal. (Yeah allergy free foods can be costly.)
I don't think EVERYTHING is related to food. However, I'm currently reading "The Ultramind Solution" by Mark Hyman, MD, about brain health. It describes many brain disease studies that show how undigested proteins from gluten (wheat, barley, and rye) and dairy form 'opiate peptides' which affect the brain and cause many conditions like dementia, Alzheimer's, ADHD, autism, etc. So I'm certainly saving my brain by abstaining from gluten and dairy and giving my gut probiotics and digestive supplements.
Nevertheless, I'm intrigued by comments from both you and April, who are both very overweight but you know and pursue your passions. Maybe you should both share your perspectives on the "Food and Feelings" board, where members are discussing the idea that we can more easily stop eating when satisfied, if we are satisfied by living our lives passionately.
I would say that other than when I was pregnant and eating moderately and healthy then, right now I'm eating the best I ever have in my life. I'm not bingeing, I'm eating only what I like and appeals to me. I don't overstuff myself. And I'm slowly losing weight... I also am making time for pursuing my passions. I don't know if there's a coorelation between the two or not, but it's an intriguing idea...
A mutual acquaintance, who was active on Diet Survivors and the F&F board and also struggled with daily overeating and purging, found her dream job. Despite ongoing marital problems, she is now so passionate about her job that she has abstained from purging for over 3 weeks now (which is a record for her). She has no cravings or intentions to ever overeat and/or purge again, because she 'just doesn't have time' to think about disordered eating (in her opinioin).
You'll have to read my next post. However, publically acknowledging my passions helped me understand that I felt a little guilty about doing or even talking about what I loved. However, I now realize that that 'guilt' is counterproductive. I don't need to compare myself to other people or choose 'productive', 'others' oriented activities every moment of my life.
I suspect that guilt comes from reading all the TW members' posts where they describe their spiritually motivated pursuits. I can't say my passions are intended to 'glorify God', but maybe they can. I certainly don't know how He works or what He intends for every moment of my life.
The story you tell about your friend who loves her job and is not purging these past weeks makes me wonder about balance of passions (that is more of the thing I deal with since I could spend hours doing things I really love that I think are meaningful, but my body does not always like doing so). Great jobs and other stuff we really love (like falling in love... those first months where you can't eat much or at least I coudl not) give us a BE high or spike. I would be really interested to see if she maintains her abstinence from purging or if it is a BE high (because that is what it sounds like to me) that will wear off (of course, maybe it is not a high and is a balanced enjoyment-- I just know that folks with screwy biochemistry often leave off one thing for another in terms of addictive behaviors). I'm all for enjoying experiences, but with my biochemistry, if I enjoy them too much, I get a spike or a real high and feel euphoric (until three days later. ha). That's why folks hate breakfast or many do. They get a BE rush when they don't eat it, but it makes you feel lousy when it drops later. Anyhow, interesting stuff whatever the case may be...
Hi Lisa: Actually I don't think her situation can be explained by 'beta endorphine' high. She has been at the job for awhile, but needed to resolve some other problems and find some ongoing support for her recovery efforts. She has changed her beliefs about eating to cope with emotions as well as changing how and what she eats. You might attribute her success to improved diet. However, she's just eating less, losing a healthy pound a week, but not restricting herself so much that she feels deprived.
Even though you attribute your success to dietary change, you also found support through RR to initiate those changes. I believe you also mentioned you tried everything that didn't work for you. My friend did the same thing, eliminating everything that didn't work for her.
I believe recovery is an individual process. No 2 people will take the same path or use the exact same approach at the same time. We have to determine for ourselves what works best for our bodies and lifestyles.
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