Internal vs. External Restriction

My last post described how I rebel against what I perceive as or restriction of what, how but especially how much I eat. Ironically, I can easily abstain from foods restricted by allergies. I know eating most of my allergen foods will cause painful reactions which last from 3-14 days. I definitely don't feel 'deprived' when I avoid those foods. However, abstinence from allergens is an 'all or nothing' approach. I don't need to guess how much I can safely eat before I experience pain. I only need a speck of those allergens to cause excruciating gut cramps. The longer I abstain, the more intensely I will react to an allergen food, the next time I accidentally consume any.

However, an 'all or nothing' approach doesn't help me stop eating when I feel satisfied or pleasantly full. Maybe I HAVE been using a 'one extreme to the other' method when I eat. I sometimes go from uncomfortably hungry to painfully full, without stopping at a moderate, comfortable 'enough' point. Nevertheless, I can't use a rigid rule to tell me how much I can comfortably eat at each meal. Different foods and different eating styles satisfy my hunger differently. For me, 'satisfaction' involves psychological pleasure through mindful eating, as well as physical resolution of hunger through blood sugar stabilization. 'Fullness' describes the volume of food in my stomach, which can feel pleasant or painful. So satisfaction or fullness are rarely 'absolute', all or nothing. My satisfaction or a 'just enough' feelings are rather elusive. I often sense satisfaction and pleasantly full, but can't believe I could be satisfied with that little food. If I drink too much liquid with a meal, I can feel full, but not satisfied. If I eat foods which stabilize my blood sugar and give me 'staying power', I can feel satisfied, but not full. So I can't rely on any absolute rules to tell me when to stop eating.

Nevertheless, sensations of satisfaction or fullness are INTERNAL feedback, not external rules or edicts about how much to eat. Discomfort from overeating is an INTERNAL sensation, just like painful reactions to food allergens. Just as I avoid allergens, in order to avoid painful reactions, I often eat much less at the meal which follows a meal when I overate to painful fullness. I remember painful overeating incidents and use that memory to serve myself much less at the next meal. However, I would like to eat just enough to satisfy hunger at EVERY meal. I would like to avoid discomfort from overeating, just as I avoid painful reactions from allergies. Although I can't rely on rigid rules to tell me when to stop eating, I know the following habits often help me stop when I'm satisfied or comfortably full:

(1) VOLUME: I serve myself a portion which comfortably filled and satisfied me at previous meals. For example I use the same sized bowl and prepare hot cereal in the same portions. If I feel full before I finish that cereal, I can easily throw out a few spoonfuls, even though I would dislike throwing out a half bowl full. I feel comfortable eating soup or casserole in specific small bowls. I almost always feel overly full if I eat a luncheon sized plate full of food. I often observe that certain amounts will be too much for my stomach, but I rely on 'will power' or my stopping ability to not clean my plate. However, when I feel just satisfied, I often continue to eat 'just a few more bites' almost mechanically. I believe I SHOULD stop at 'satisfied', but I often don't. I usually stop when my plate is almost empty. I like TW's suggestion that our empty stomachs are the size of loosely clenched fists. That guideline helps me visualize how much I need to satisfy hunger.

(2) MINDFUL EATING: When I focus on eating and how my body feels as I eat, rather than read or watch tv, I more often feel 'satisfied' when I feel comfortably full, rather than cheated because I missed the eating experience. However, I can't always eat alone without distractions. Nevertheless, preparing and serving my meal on a plate without 'tastes', taking my supplements, then sitting down to eat the food, rather than standing at the counter or in front of the refrigerator, facilitates 'conscious eating'. That eating style helps me sense 'satisfaction' and STOP eating.

(3) PRESENT TIME EATING: When I choose to eat the EXACT food that will feel good in my stomach NOW, despite what I ate at the previous meal or on the previous day, I more often feel 'satisfied'. I sometimes try to vary breakfast or lunch menus so that I don't get bored with certain foods. However, I often eating the same foods for breakfast for a few days in a row, and THEN get bored and need different foods.

So I can choose how much, how and what I eat to facilitate 'stopping at satisfied or pleasantly full'. However I suspect challenging my view of 'restriction' or 'deprivation' will help me more easily stop when I can't predict how much food my body needs. I don't view food allergy restrictions as 'deprivation', because my BODY internally tells me to abstain from those foods through painful reactions. I also choose to abstain from caffeine and alcohol to avoid reflux, especially because I need to take betaine hydrochloride to digest protein. Nobody (especially not family members) continually tells me to avoid foods that influence reflux or cause allergy reactions. My BODY tells me obviously that allergy foods cause pain. Likewise, my BODY tells me obviously that certain amounts of food cause pain. That INTERNAL sensation tells me that I ate too much and that I will feel discomfort for hours afterwards.

I WISH I had an internal sensation which loudly proclaimed 'ENOUGH' or 'STOP EATING' to avoid painful discomfort. Unfortunately I only feel subtle cues of satisfaction, which I can easily overlook and continue eating to the point of discomfort. Nevertheless I DO have those subtle sensations. My own body sometimes tells me "that's enough, the food doesn't taste good anymore, eating is boring now, you can keep eating, but I'm ready to let go." The only deprivation I would experience if I stopped eating at that point would be deprivation of a painfully full sensation. I would miss being uncomfortably full if I stopped when I begin to feel bored with eating, when the food stops tasting wonderful, when I no longer feel hungry or desperate to resolve hunger. I would NOT miss more opportunities to enjoy that same food. I can enjoy that again tomorrow or even at the next meal. Even if I throw out what's left on my plate or in my bowl, I can certainly prepare the same food(s) for a future meal. I might get hungry sooner, if I don't leave the table painfully full. However, I can choose to eat when I feel hungry or drink apple juice or hazelnut milk to save my appetite for a later meal. I won't miss a thing if I stop eating when I feel satisfied, EXCEPT feeling painfully full. I can easily abstain from that discomfort, when I view 'stopping at satisfaction' as a way to prevent painful reactions to too much food.