One Conflict to Resolve in 2010

Our guest minister at this evening's service pointed out that when we make resolutions for the new year, we resolve to do certain things. However, we also decide to RESOLVE conflicts in our lives or resolve to resolve. When I consider what I have 'resolved to do' in past years, I usually want to do something that I don't consistently do. For example, during the past year, I wanted to replace bingeing with normal eating or eliminate my former binge eating habit. I had been conflicted between eating normally and binge eating. Most of the time I ate normally, but occasionally (1-2 times a month) I binge ate foods I didn't eat often enough and felt deprived of those foods. So I had to resolve my conflict about whether or not to binge. I resolved that conflict by considering what was positive about binge eating or what it did for me, as well as what was bad about binge eating. I learned to eat former binge foods regularly and resolved the conflict

With that same approach I want to resolve another eating conflict during 2010. I usually eat to the point of comfortably full. However I regularly (sometimes once a day but usually once every other day) eat to the point of uncomfortably full. In order to resolve my conflict between eating just enough and overeating, I want to consider how overeating 'serves me' or what overeating gives me, which I don't believe I will get if I eat just enough. Here's what overeating allows me to do:

(1) 'Clean my plate' so I don't feel guilty about serving myself too much and 'wasting food';

(2) Eat what I REALLY wanted after I eat the foods I thought I wanted (or thought I should eat to get/stay healthy);

(3) Eat enough so that discomfort made me not want to bother with preparing food for a long time after overeating;

(4) Keep my husband company as he overeats his meal;

(5) Not have to get up and put away leftovers (from my plate) while watching a Netflix movie during dinner.

Here's what I dislike about overeating:

(1) Overeating makes me feel uncomfortably full;

(2) Overeating causes reflux;

(3) Overeating turns a potentially satisfying experience into an unpleasant experience;

(4) Overeating creates discomfort that keeps me thinking about (and regretting eating too much) food for at least an hour after the meal;

(5) Overeating makes me so uncomfortable that I don't want to sit or sleep for several hours afterwards;

(6) Overeating stretches my stomach, which already seems disproportionately large, compared to the rest of my thin body.

Although I don't like the results of overeating, I didn't previously realize what overeating allows me to do. How can I do same things without overeating?

(1) Rather than feeling stuffed after 'cleaning my plate', I can either serve myself less or keep a 'leftovers container' by my plate to remind me to put extra food away in the freezer, rather than make myself uncomfortable.

(2) Seriously consider what I REALLY want and what would feel good in my body before I prepare my meal. (Often I try to prepare for dinner what I think my husband would like, but he is happy with separate meals.)

(3) I KNOW I can snack on fruit if I feel hungry before the next meal. Fruit can restore my blood sugar but not ruin my appetite for an upcoming meal, like heavier foods might do.

(4) My husband is no longer overeating. He is storing leftovers for another meal while I continue to stuff myself. LOL

(5) I can eat more mindfully (without TV?) so that I enjoy my meal so much that I don't want more tastes after I'm full.

Above all, I need to 'get real' with myself and not discount overeating. During the past 9 months, I rationalized as I overate, "Well, at least I'm not bingeing and purging." However, at least one meal a day was a mini binge, because I overate. I may not have thought 'Oh what the heck, I might just as well binge'. However, I did rationalize that I'm thin and can 'get away with' overeating. Nevertheless discomfort from overeating told me that I didn't 'get away with' anything.

When I committed to stop bingeing (which helped eliminate purging), I agreed thgat I would do whatever was necessary to prevent binges. I need to take that same approach with overeating. I need to do whatever is necessary to prevent overeating. I don't need to rate my hunger and fullness. I know when I stop feeling hungry and start feeling full. I just need to heed that slight fullness as a serious sign to stop eating, rather than wonder how much more I can stuff into my body before I feel uncomfortable. I need to stop at the crosswalk when I see the yellow light, rather than halfway into the intersection after I notice the red light.

I need recognize uncomfortable fullness as a problem which I create by choices. I don't need to make myself uncomfortable. I need to focus on eating when comfortably hungry to the point of comfortable fullness. Any eating beyond that point is counterproductive and self-destructive.