Eating What I Want Eventually

I played mind games with my cravings before lunch today. I planned to have a peanut butter/banana wrap (on a brown rice tortilla), but I decided to substitute leftover apple slices for the satsuma, because I didn't want anything acidic. Likewise I decided to eat the glazed brownie at dinner, rather than risk reflux (from chocolate) at lunch, because I planned to walk after lunch. Ironically I found my way to those brownies after finishing the wrap and 3-1/2 slices of apple.

I rationalized that I needed to repackage them into a smaller container, now that the glaze had hardened. LOL Of course I had to sample one small brownie (1"x1"x2"). Obviously, I use portion control with treats by cutting them into small pieces. However, I could easily stop after one and a half of those brownie pieces. I felt satisfied. Unfortunately I also experienced the dreaded reflux. Fortunately I don't have 'last supper' reactions to treats. I know I can have them, when I want them. So when I finally let myself have what I want, I can stop after eating a small portion.

However, that mind game avoidance and then eventually eating the brownie tells me that I still restrict somewhat. I'm not concerned with calories, but I am still affected by all those rules about what causes reflux, vitamin and mineral deficiencies, etc. So I'm going to experiment with decreasing the Betaine Hydrochloride I take for digestion.

During the first 2 years HCl improved my digestion and protein absorption. However, this year, when I began taking vancomycin for my c-diff infection, I also began to have more reflux, which was actually ACID reflux for the first time in my life. Before I took HCl I had no obvious stomach acid in reflux. So I suspect the vancomycin hydrochloride antibiotic either increased my stomach acid too much OR eliminating the c-diff infection eliminated my need for additional HCl for digestion. I'm uncertain which, but I need to stay off all digestive supplements and probiotics for 3 days before I do another stool test for c-diff (or other bacteria, parasites and/or fungus).

So I'll just taper off the HCl tomorrow and begin abstaining for the first 3 days of January. Then I can take the test early next week. I just hope that's long enough after my last vanco to allow the c-diff spores to morph into bacteria for the test, IF I still have any spores. I HOPE I don't have any spores or bacteria now, after 9 months of c-diff treatment, tapered treatment and pulse treatment. However, only that test will tell me for sure.