Surprising Results

In my last post I described how I committed to do whatever seems necessary to stop eating when I feel comfortably full, rather than painfully full. So I first decided to eat mindfully or eat meals sitting down without any distractions, like tv or reading material. Although I previously tried 'focussed eating', I didn't try to resolve my conflicts between focussed and distracted eating. I didn't consider what distracted eating gave me and then try to get that while I ate without distractions. I already described what overeating does for me and how to get that even when I stop at comfortably full. However, I didn't previously realize the similarities between benefits of overeating and distracted eating 'benefits'. Now I realize those are the same.

At breakfast I noticed how much I really enjoyed eating with no distractions. I really got lost in the tastes and textures of my meal. I also let myself watch tv before and after the meal, without eating while the tv was on. I was not acutely aware of my stomach sensations while I ate, but I felt comfortably full when I finished my meal. I didn't want any more 'tastes', because I was 'tired of eating and ready to do move on.

At lunch I observed that I felt disappointed by the sandwich I prepared. The cranberry relish wasn't sweet enough. Yet the overall sandwich ingredients (deli turkey, margarine, lettuce, relish, bread) worked well together. (Note to self: add more sweetner to relish before next use. LOL) I only eat 2-1/2 slices of apple so that I could 'save room' for the cooky I chose for 'dessert', my favorite fruitcake refrigerator cooky. As with breakfast, I felt comfortably full when I stopped eating and felt comfortable until the dinnertime.

Then came dinner ... with my husband ... sitting at the dining room table with candlelight and no tv ... yet with those awkward silent moments when I wanted to just eat and my husband wondered why I wasn't talking ... and those questions I needed to answer just after I took a bite which I wanted to enjoy ... and those comments I needed to make after taking bites which I wanted to savor. SIGH Now I know why I chose to watch tv or Netflix movies during meals with my husband. I have never learned to stop eating long enough to talk, unless the food is supposed to be cold, because I HATE cold food, which is supposed to be hot (another side effect of being forced to sit at the table until I 'cleaned my plate' as a child). Given all that, I ate everything on my luncheon sized plate (saurkraut with apples and carrots over sausage) which could fill my stomach, but not satisfy me without the addition of a starchy (cooky) dessert.

However, I noticed I was feeling full a little over halfway through my plate, but I didn't know what I'd do with 2/3 cup of saurkraut and sausage ... not enough for a meal, but not my kind of 'snack' and certainly not something I'd want to 'throw into' casserole or soup. So I ate the WHOLE PLATE FULL, felt full but not satisfied. So I ate one tiny datenut bar (1"x1"x1") and felt STUFFED! Of course taking a high dose probiotic (127 billion good bacteria per packet) before dinner always makes me feel fuller than just eating food. Whatever ... I still feel uncomfortably full, not what I wanted to feel after a meal and especially not what I planned. However, I realize this is a learning process. Progress, not perfection ...

What I learned from dinner is:

(1) Watching tv while eating with my husband does help me eat less, because I can enjoy each bite without having to quickly swallow to talk. However, I need to find a way to stay aware of my stomach sensations. I also need to find a way to assert my need to tell my husband to stop the tv or movie, before I feel too full so I can put the rest of my food away, rather than continuing to eat. Then I can 'save room for dessert or just feel comfortably full, rather than stuffed.

(2) If I eat a 'distracted meal', I need to serve myself a 'comfort conscious' platefull of food. I feel much more comfortable with a petitpan full of food (about 1-1/2 cups) such as soup, stir fry or casserole. Even when I have separate foods, such as meat, vegie and starch, I usually mix the meat and vegie together as I eat them, because I don't like dry meat (or maybe I just don't digest meat as well?). So maybe I could prethaw my freezer dinners and serve them in a petit pan, which is all I can comfortably eat. Ironically, I don't have problems with overeating in most restaurants, because the portions are so ridiculously huge that I can easily divide my plate in half and save half for another meal. However, at home I often dish up about 50% more than I need, when I freeze individual meals for myself.

What I learned from all 3 meals is that I need to plan to include something really sweet in every meal in order to feel satisfied, at least for now. My cravings may change after I have sweet foods at every meal for awhile. Breakfast is usually not a problem, because sweet fruit on peanut butter and a muffin or sweetened cereal with fruit is very satisfying. So I just need to plan a satisfying dessert for lunch and dinner. Then dessert won't be an 'after thought' or 'after full' food.

Above all, I realized I want to journal about each eating experience for awhile. So I can observe and record what works and what doesn't work in my quest to stop eating when I feel comfortably full. Anyone who has read my previous blog entries will know that I have grappled with the 'stop when satisfied and comfortably full' issue several times. I write about what I intend to do and go into great detail about how I intend to do that. I even quote several authors' suggestions about accomplishing my intended habit change. Then I 'try out' the new habit for a few days or even a few weeks. Then I rationalize how 'normal' eating includes using the habit I wanted to eliminate (like occasional overeating). Finally, I return to using that habit so often that I realize I never changed anything. SIGH

My strongest rationalization for letting myself overeat at meals is that I don't gain weight. I also seldom feel hungry between meals. So I don't have to snack. However, I make myself uncomfortable everytime I overeat. I cause reflux by overeating. I could consume the same amount of food with smaller meals and 1-2 snacks as I consume with my one comfortable meal and 2 uncomfortable meal. Ironically, I eat a small breakfast, because I'm not that hungry after I just ate a early morning snack 1-2 hours before breakfast. Perhaps I could have a similar fruit snack late afternoon and not feel as famished before dinner. Lots to think about.

Meanwhile I intend to blog about my mindful eating attempts for awhile to see what I can learn from both my successes and my mistakes. Right now stopping at 'comfortably full' seems a lot more difficult than resisting bingeing. Maybe I need to conside my rationalizations for overeating, just like I examined my self-talk and rationalizations for bingeing, before I eliminated that habit.