Confusion or Guilt??

9 weeks ago I decided to try a new hairstylist at a different salon. I had received too many disappointing haircuts from my previous stylist and wanted to find someone who viewed me differently. I suspected my previous stylist had me 'pegged' for a certain style, because no matter what I asked, she seemed to give me the same cut.

The new stylist told me what she thought would look better on me (longer but layered short cut). However, she also cut the sides much shorter than I liked, despite telling me she would leave my hair longer than what she saw in my photos of previous cuts. I was very angry when I left. I could only see the too short sides. However, as the sides grew, I noticed what a great cut the new stylist really gave me. 9+ weeks later it still looks great, although the bangs are longer than I like.

Nevertheless, I didn't like spending $10 more than my previous stylist charged. So I called my previous stylist to schedule another appointment after 9 weeks of growout. She couldn't offer me a good time. So I called her back and requested another time. However I didn't really like the new times she offered. Then I realized I really feared getting another bad cut from her, even if I told her exactly what I wanted, which I always do before cuts, and even showed her photos. I recalled how the new stylist saw me differently and advised me to try longer layers, which I eventually preferred. I wondered whether I could tell my old stylist to do something similar.

Then I realized I felt guilty about not booking with my old stylist after calling her twice to negotiate appointment times. I felt guilty about going to someone new. I thought I 'owed her' another chance. So I was very confused about whether to continue seeing my new stylist (and loudly tell her to leave the sides longer) or return to my old stylist who charged $10 less.

Then I recalled how I make important decisions. I list my options. With only 2 options (new vs. old stylist) I could then list the 'pros' and 'cons' for seeing each stylist. I won't describe those here. Nevertheless, I observed from my list that my new stylist had 7 pros and 3 cons, whereas my old stylist had 4 pros and 6 cons. That should have helped me decide. Yet I still felt twinges of guilt about calling my old stylist and then cancelling another appointment with her, just as I did over 2 months ago.

So I asked myself what I really wanted. Did I want a great, longterm relationship with my stylist? Or did I want consistently great cuts, which I would love immediately? Then I realized the cut was more important than the 'relationship'. So I asked myself whether I willing to pay more for a great cut. I realized $10 was the cost of an inexpensive tank top or tee shirt or occasionally a sale garment at H&M (which has great sales). IMO a great cut is worth more than a cheap garment. That confirmed my decision to continue with the new stylist.

The preceding decision making description may sound very logical and healthy. However, I need to admit that I distracted myself from painful guilt and confusion by eating too many grapes today. LOL Granted, I hadn't eaten such tasty (ripe and sweet) grapes for awhile. Most out of season, imported grapes never taste as good as local, in season or homegrown grapes. Nevertheless, the great grape taste distracted me from the emotional discomfort of deciding which stylist to use.

That decision doesn't seem to involve much emotional discomfort, unless I recognize the guilt about cancelling with my old stylist, especially after calling her to book a new appointment. So I was overeating grapes to distract myself from feeling 'bad' (guilty). Of course overeating creates another source of guilt, which could distract me from my original source of guilt. However, I still needed to decide. So I endured a bloated, crampy tummy all afternoon after overeating grapes at lunch, but I still felt good about my final decision. Next time I need to decide, I'll first ask myself what I really want and then list pros and cons, if I'm still uncertain.