Habit Change: Acknowledgment

In order to change a habit, I need to nonjudgmentally acknowledging what I do. In order to acknowledge what I do, when I overeat, I need to define overeating. For me 'overeating' means continuing to eat past 'no longer hungry' or 'satisified'. However, 'satisfied' is elusive for me. Does that mean 'physically satisfied' or 'emotionally satisfied'? I often go for extra food because my 'mouth' (or my mind?) wants a taste of something sweet. Actually I can eat less when I stop at physically 'enough to no longer feel hungry' and then eat one or 2 bites of something sweet. Obviously I have difficulty with the notion of 'enough'.

Maybe 'enough' is when I no longer feel hungry AND I lose interest in the food I'm eating. Or maybe 'enough' is when I no longer feel hungry AND the food, which tasted WONDERFUL when I was hungry, just tastes 'so so'. Or maybe 'enough' is when I no longer feel hungry but begin to rationalize that I need to finish my vegies to get more fiber or finish my meat dish to get more protein or similar 'healthy eating' rationalizations. My confusion about 'enough' may influence my overeating.

Maybe I need to consider occasions when I do not overeat, when I feel stop eating at comfortably full. I seldom overeat at breakfast. I'm usually hungry before I eat that meal. So I decided to observe what I did at breakfast. Just deciding to observe myself made me more aware of my body sensations and my behaviors. I refrained from 'tastes' while I prepared my meal, which was a bowl of hot cereal with chopped pears and almond butter, one of my favorite meals. Although the tv was on while I ate, I paid attention to how each bite tasted, but mostly to how my stomach felt.

I noticed that I felt bored with eating toward the end of the bowl of cereal. I was glad when I took my last bite, because the cereal didn't taste as fantastic, I was bored and I was ready to move on to another activity. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed what I ate. I didn't scrape every last bit of cereal from my bowl, because I was motivated to stop when I felt satisfied, in order to observe how that happened. So I mindfully observed physical sensations and thoughts while eating.

I noticed at breakfast that eating mindfully by paying attention to physical sensations and thoughts and eating exactly what I wanted helped me stop at 'just enough'. So I decided to apply those ideas to lunch. I got home from running an errand late (after 2pm), but knew I had previously prepared tuna salad and a presliced apple in the fridge, plus a bit of apple Lara bar in the cupboard. I heated an English muffin and served the tuna salad atop the muffin. I knew I really would enjoy the muffin/tuna salad combo, but I also wanted a few bites of apple. So I started with 2 slices of apple, but wanted to save most of my 'hunger' for that tuna salad topped muffin. I observed how my stomach felt as I ate and REALLY enjoyed the tuna muffin. After I finished that, I no longer felt hungry, but still wanted another bite of apple. That's when I often start to overeat. However, I just ate another slice of apple and stopped when I felt slightly full. (I no longer wanted to eat any Lara bar.)

Getting up from the table without feeling obviously full seemed really strange. I must overeat so often that 'comfortable' seems weird. Nevertheless, I was committed to observe what I thought and felt after stopping at comfortably full at lunch. My motivation was not preventing weight gain or even preventing discomfort. I was just curious and wanted to see how stopping at comfortable full felt at that time of day. Although I thought I might get too hungry before the next meal (a fear which can influence my overeating), I enjoyed that comfortable, light feeling of 'just enough' in my stomach. I could easily bend over to pick threads from the rug without refluxing immediately after lunch. I wonder how often I cause reflux simply by overeating.

Stopping at 'just enough' seemed too simple. Why don't I do that more often? However, mindful eating (paying attention to stomach sensations) and eating first what I most enjoyed required conscious decisions. I also resisted 'tastes' while I prepared lunch, because I wanted to save my hunger for the most enjoyable part of my meal (the tuna topped muffin), rather than just poke food into my mouth to stop the hunger ASAP. Above all, nonjudgmental curiosity, rather than fear of weight gain or discomfort, motivated me to stop at 'just enough'.

I initially intended to discuss in this post what influences my overeating at meals. However, considering what works to help me stop at just enough seems more effective that focussing on what doesn't work. So at future meals, I'll try to: (1) decide what I really want to eat, (2) save my hunger for that food, (3) mostly eat that food, with only a few supplemental bites of lesser favorites, (4) pay attention to my stomach sensations and (5) stop eating at the instant I sense any fullness or stomach distention. Above all, I will let my stomach sensations tell me when to stop eating, rather than listen to fears or rationalizations about why I should continue eating.