Stay Attuned Reassurance

I subscribe to an emagazine entitled "Stay Attuned" from the Nourishing Connections website. See http://www.nourishingconnections.com This month's edition/article was about "When Lost Weight is Found". WOW!! That title exactly describes my situation! So I felt pleasantly reassured after I read the following from that article:

"Unfortunately, our usual reaction (to unexpected weight gain) is to blame ourselves, to say that we lack willpower and that we're lazy. "If I had just controlled myself." "No wonder I gained the weight back; I ate all the 'wrong' foods." Or, if we've been responding to our body's signals and we've risked eating foods we enjoy, we despair that this has caused the weight gain. "I knew I couldn't trust my body." "How could I have believed it was okay to eat the foods I love?"

What if, instead of blaming and shaming ourselves or assuming that our bodies are not trustworthy, we consider some of the real reasons most of us gain the weight back? Understanding and honoring the reasons the weight came back on makes it clear that another diet is not the answer. Tuning into what really prompted our weight regain can help us to know what to do next to take care of ourselves.

Perhaps we were distracted and disconnected from our body's signals because of an illness and injury. Or maybe our eating became less mindful when our work, rest, and play got out of balance."

That last paragraph described exactly how I gained those 3 extra pounds. While I suffered through flagyl's awful side effects in order to fight c-diff, I remember saying, "My health is more important than my weight", as I ate to cope with nausea. Then after I was told to take vancomycin with high fat meals or snacks, I dutifully took my late night vanco dose after eating ice cream or banana bread and butter or just hazelnut milk. Despite reading that I could just take that drug with a large glass of water, I believed the (rather overweight) pharmacist who told me I should always take vanco after eating high fat foods. I may have gained a pound during flagyl treatment, but I gained the other 2 pounds while eating 4 high fat meal/snacks daily during the first 6 days of taking vancomycin.

When I realized those 3 pounds weren't just 'water retention' or irregularity, I still couldn't accept that I had gained that much. I had not binged or purged in almost 6 months. I had overeaten at several meals, but also exercised more by biking during the summer months. I certainly couldn't blame irregularity, because I had diarrhea almost daily for the past 4 months. I certainly did not want to restrict what I ate, because I already have enough restrictioins with 7 food allergies. However, I knew that I often ate before I was hungry and beyond satisfaction while fighting c-diff.

Nevertheless the Nourishing Connections "Stay Attuned" article reminded me that I chose to focus on recovering from c-diff, rather than eat mindfully. I chose to risk gaining weight while I ate extra food in order to protect my stomach from irritation while I took medication. I also knew that I would be just as healthy with a few extra pounds, after I recovered from c-diff.

Now I'm heading into the last phase of vancomycin treatment: one more week of 4 daily doses, then a week of 2 daily doses, then a week of one daily dose and finally a week of high dose probiotic packets before dinner. 4 days later I fly to Maui hopefully free of c-diff bacteria and those 3 extra pounds. If I had to choose whether I would be free of c-diff or the 3 pounds, I would choose freedom from c-diff.

However, I don't think I need to choose one or the other. I can eat less, when I know I will record every bite. I can enjoy food more, when I only eat sitting down. I may not lose 3 pounds in 4-1/2 weeks, but I will do what I can to eat less without restricting what I eat. Between my allergy restrictions and my constantly ripening vegie and fruit gardens, I eat very healthy foods, but I eat just a bit too much.

Just today I noticed that recording what I eat and sitting down to eat already helped me eat less. I like feeling comfortable, rather than full after meals. Maybe I have to retrain my eyes, not just my mouth. So I consider smaller portions as 'just enough', rather than serving myself too much and using willpower to stop when I feel satisfied.