During the past 10 years I tracked on my calendar each day I had a binge/purge episode. Over the years those episodes had decreased to once a day. So each day usually represents only one episode. Besides tracking yearly total days, I also tracked long abstinence periods between episodes. The longest abstinence period (24 weeks or almost 6 months) ironically occured during the year I had the most b/p episodes.
I also noticed that my total yearly binge/purge (b/p) days decreased by over half during 2002, when I learned to eat only when I was physiologically hungry and stop eating when I was satisfied or comfortably full. Although each subsequent year's total decreased, the lowest yearly total occurred 2 years after my diagnoses of celiac disease and several food allergies as well as treatment for bacterial dysbiosis (bad bacteria which caused cramping pains and bloating in my gut). So I may have used b/p to cope with physiological symptoms (of nausea, bloating and cramping) from undiagnosed CD, food allergies, indigestion and intestinal problems.
Unfortunately the yearly totals increased a little during 2007, possibly because I continued to battle another intestinal bacteria, then a fungus and a parasite. The treatment side effects for those 'critters' caused as much discomfort (bloating and nausea) as the 'bugs' themselves. So I suspect I again used my binge/purge habit to distract myself from the discomfort from treatment as well as general hopelessness about recovery from symptoms. Perhaps the 2008 total was less than 2007, because I learned to cope with negative emotions without using my b/p habit.
So far this year (2009) I have binged 3 times in 4 months. Continuing at that rate will make this year's total the lowest yet. However, there's much more to my 'history' than the numbers would suggest. Nevertheless, reviewing my b/p history and recalling what influenced decreased yearly totals during recent years gives me even greater hope that I have now learned to cope with life without using my b/p habit. I'll describe in a new post the beliefs I confronted and changed during that learning process.
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2 comments:
I'm cheering for you Sue!
I think it's great that you can look back on the tough times and relate the other things you were going through (and how that affects you health).
What I learned from you is to learn from those setbacks, not let them slow you down or discourage you. Like you always said, with each step back we take two steps forward.
Thanks, Olia. I don't remember saying 'one step back, 2 steps forward'. LOL However, I do remember that one therapist told me recovery is a stair step process. We may sometimes feel that we're climbing straight uphill, when we're struggling to overcome disordered eating issues. Then after we make some progress, we feel like we're on a plateau or on the flat part of the stair itself. Then, after we confront some new issues, we feel like we're climbing straight up again ... and so on.
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