I recently read Paul McKenna's "I Can Make You Thin". Initially I hesitated to open that book, because I believed it was another weight loss diet approach. To my surprise, the author promoted all the intuitive eating principles (eat when hungry, foods you enjoy, stop when full) that I have used for the past 8 years. However, he also presented visualization techniques and includes with his book a CD which describes a relaxed visualization technique, reminiscent of weight loss hypnosis. I really liked his suggestions about visualizing my body at my ideal weight, visualizing myself eating very slowly and savoring each bite, but especially feeling calm in situations where I normally felt stress and wanted to eat to cope with emotions. Those suggestions covered my 3 eating challenges, (1) motivation to practice new habits; (2) believing I can actually eat differently (slowly and focused); and (3) coping with emotional stress without using eating to calm myself.
Above all, Paul McKenna's approach focusses on changing beliefs about eating by encouraging the reader to visualize themselves actually doing something different. However, I didn't previously didn't realize I lacked motivation to change. So I waffled between eating intuitively (only when hungry and stopping when full) and eating to distract myself from emotional pain, because I AM fairly thin. Nevertheless, I realize consistently eating according to hunger/fullness keeps me thin. When I increase my emotional eating, I gain weight or develop other health-related problems (like headaches or candida after bingeing on sugar too often). So visualization can motivate me to continue doing what I know works. Also visualization allows me to practice focussing while I eat and coping with stress without eating, even before I confront food or feelings.
I've listened to the CD visualization exercise for the past 3 days. I noticed that I now prefer to eat without distractions. I'm eating much more slowly. I no longer crave more after I finish my meal. I don't 'need' desserts or something sweet after I feel full. When I'm upset about something, I don't want to eat something or crave specific foods. I feel my emotions and experience sadness, frustration, confusion, or anxiety, rather than hunger. However, I don't feel so overwhelmed by those feelings that I want to eat to distract myself. I recall specific suggestions from the CD addressed situations like eating slowly, focusing on my meal, and feeling calm rather than scared of emotions.
I'm beginning to appreciate the importance of not only visualizing goals, but also visualizing myself practicing specific steps or new habits to reach those goals. I don't endorse all the techniques in Paul McKenna's book. I prefer to acknowledge the source of my emotional stress and challenge the beliefs and self-talk that increase my stress, rather than use the 'tapping' technique. However, the visualization exercises on the CD certainly influenced my attitude and eating habits during the past few days.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Legalizing Childhood Foods
When I began using IE principles 8 years ago, I legalized many foods I previously restricted according to calories or 'unhealthy eating' rules. Most of those foods were desserts or sweet treats. I recall that my mom restricted me from eating sweet foods when I was very young. She believed I was 'getting fat' because I had a bloated (celiac) tummy.
However, my brother and father also teased me about eating starchy foods like breads and potatoes. During the 50s starchy foods were considered 'fattening', rather than fats per se. Maybe fats like butter, etc. were still used as condiments or just totally overlooked as a source of extra calories. Nevertheless, I grew up believing that breads and potatoes were 'fattening' and restricted those when I began dieting during college.
Despite believing that I could eat all foods within hunger/fullness boundaries, I hesitated to eat white potatoes. I knew I loved bread and searched diligently for wheat bread substitutes after my CD diagnosis. Yet I continued to believe that potatoes were a waste of my appetite (calories?) and prefered yams or sweet potatoes. When I was diagnosed with CD I learned to love brown and wild rice varieties. I also tried and loved quinoa and amarath. Yet I continued to avoid corn (except on the cob), peas (except snap peas on salad) and potatoes (except potato salad), which my mom frequently prepared for family dinners.
Recently I began to prefer different kinds of potatoes with certain foods. For instance, I like red potatoes with pork or chicken, yukon gold potatoes with white fish (like basa), russet potatoes only as French fries, but sweet potatoes with anything except beef. As I prepared Yukon gold potatoes for our fish dinner tonight, I realized that I continued to 'restrict' potatoes, after I legalized dessert foods which are less satisfying than potatoes.
After my very satisfying dinner, I recognized that I restricted the vegies that my mother served so often, because I wanted to forget my painful childhood memories and all the foods I associated with traumatic childhood dinners. I STILL don't like mashed potatoes, which my mom often served. However, I LOVE potato salad which she often took to my aunt's house when my aunt bar-be-qued chicken. I associated potato salad with eating with my aunt, uncle and cousins, who all loved me.
Now I wonder what other nutritious, satisfying foods I avoid, because they remind me of my childhood. Maybe I like yukon gold and red potatoes because my mom never served those and my brother and dad never told me I'd get fat from eating those kinds of potatoes. I don't have many pleasant memories of family dinners. I only miss my mom's potato salad. I could certainly make that now, but I can't have the hard boiled sliced eggs (because of egg allergy), which were an integral part of her recipe. Although my mom made my favorite potato salad, I'll still remember my aunt everytime I eat potato salad.
Nevertheless, I plan to reexamine the 'potato' cookbook my husband bought me several years ago. He probably thought buying me a cookbook would make me prepare potatoes more often. Little did he know potatoes triggered painful emotional memories for me. I never knew what I missed by linking painful childhood memories with potentially satisfying foods.
However, my brother and father also teased me about eating starchy foods like breads and potatoes. During the 50s starchy foods were considered 'fattening', rather than fats per se. Maybe fats like butter, etc. were still used as condiments or just totally overlooked as a source of extra calories. Nevertheless, I grew up believing that breads and potatoes were 'fattening' and restricted those when I began dieting during college.
Despite believing that I could eat all foods within hunger/fullness boundaries, I hesitated to eat white potatoes. I knew I loved bread and searched diligently for wheat bread substitutes after my CD diagnosis. Yet I continued to believe that potatoes were a waste of my appetite (calories?) and prefered yams or sweet potatoes. When I was diagnosed with CD I learned to love brown and wild rice varieties. I also tried and loved quinoa and amarath. Yet I continued to avoid corn (except on the cob), peas (except snap peas on salad) and potatoes (except potato salad), which my mom frequently prepared for family dinners.
Recently I began to prefer different kinds of potatoes with certain foods. For instance, I like red potatoes with pork or chicken, yukon gold potatoes with white fish (like basa), russet potatoes only as French fries, but sweet potatoes with anything except beef. As I prepared Yukon gold potatoes for our fish dinner tonight, I realized that I continued to 'restrict' potatoes, after I legalized dessert foods which are less satisfying than potatoes.
After my very satisfying dinner, I recognized that I restricted the vegies that my mother served so often, because I wanted to forget my painful childhood memories and all the foods I associated with traumatic childhood dinners. I STILL don't like mashed potatoes, which my mom often served. However, I LOVE potato salad which she often took to my aunt's house when my aunt bar-be-qued chicken. I associated potato salad with eating with my aunt, uncle and cousins, who all loved me.
Now I wonder what other nutritious, satisfying foods I avoid, because they remind me of my childhood. Maybe I like yukon gold and red potatoes because my mom never served those and my brother and dad never told me I'd get fat from eating those kinds of potatoes. I don't have many pleasant memories of family dinners. I only miss my mom's potato salad. I could certainly make that now, but I can't have the hard boiled sliced eggs (because of egg allergy), which were an integral part of her recipe. Although my mom made my favorite potato salad, I'll still remember my aunt everytime I eat potato salad.
Nevertheless, I plan to reexamine the 'potato' cookbook my husband bought me several years ago. He probably thought buying me a cookbook would make me prepare potatoes more often. Little did he know potatoes triggered painful emotional memories for me. I never knew what I missed by linking painful childhood memories with potentially satisfying foods.
4 Stages of Learning
My minister recently described in his sermon the 4 stages of learning. That description reminded me of how I learned to eat intuitively. Here's the stages and how those related to my intuitive eating journey.:
(1) UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPENTENCE: You don't know how to do something and you don't even recognize that you don't know how. You just struggle. You may not even admit to yourself that you struggle.
I struggled with restricting certain foods, bingeing, purging, but I didn't know how to change my disordered eating habits or fears about food and eating. I didn't even know that my beliefs about food and eating perpetuated my disordered habits.
(2) CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE: You know that you don't know how to do what you want to do. At this stage you are teachable and open to new ideas and change.
I learned about eating intuitively, according to hunger cues, starting when hungry and stopping when comfortably full. I learned that restricting according to external indices like calories, rather than choosing foods that I enjoyed eating, influenced my rebellious bingeing. I learned that people could actually trust their bodies to tell them when, what and how much to eat. However, I didn't know the exact skills I needed to eat intuitively.
(3) CONSCIOUS COMPENTENCE: You get instructions. By imitation or insights, you consciously do something differently. You practice new skills over and over.
I allowed myself freedom to eat whatever I wanted to taste, but also considered what my body wanted. I imagined how foods would feel in my body when I felt hungry. I practiced waiting until I felt hungry before eating. I practiced eating mindfully, slowly and without distractions, to sense my fullness cues so that I could stop eating when I felt comfortably full. I paid attention to how food felt in my body in order to choose foods that felt good after eating as well as tasted good during eating.
(4) UNCONSCIOUS COMPENTENCE: You don't have to think about using the skills. You just do whatever you learned without thinking.
I'm not completely to this point yet. However, I often forget about eating until I feel hunger cues. I prefer eating without distractions and slowly tasting and savoring each bite. I sense my point of 'enough' and then comfortable fullness. However, I still overeat when I'm distracted by conversation while eating with others. With food restrictions from 7 diagnosed food allergies, I still struggle with feeling free to eat anything. Nevertheless, I try to match the qualities I crave (sweet, sour, warm, cold, chewy, creamy, dry, juicy, etc.) to the foods available within my allergy restrictions. I'm somewhere between stages 3 and 4.
(1) UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPENTENCE: You don't know how to do something and you don't even recognize that you don't know how. You just struggle. You may not even admit to yourself that you struggle.
I struggled with restricting certain foods, bingeing, purging, but I didn't know how to change my disordered eating habits or fears about food and eating. I didn't even know that my beliefs about food and eating perpetuated my disordered habits.
(2) CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE: You know that you don't know how to do what you want to do. At this stage you are teachable and open to new ideas and change.
I learned about eating intuitively, according to hunger cues, starting when hungry and stopping when comfortably full. I learned that restricting according to external indices like calories, rather than choosing foods that I enjoyed eating, influenced my rebellious bingeing. I learned that people could actually trust their bodies to tell them when, what and how much to eat. However, I didn't know the exact skills I needed to eat intuitively.
(3) CONSCIOUS COMPENTENCE: You get instructions. By imitation or insights, you consciously do something differently. You practice new skills over and over.
I allowed myself freedom to eat whatever I wanted to taste, but also considered what my body wanted. I imagined how foods would feel in my body when I felt hungry. I practiced waiting until I felt hungry before eating. I practiced eating mindfully, slowly and without distractions, to sense my fullness cues so that I could stop eating when I felt comfortably full. I paid attention to how food felt in my body in order to choose foods that felt good after eating as well as tasted good during eating.
(4) UNCONSCIOUS COMPENTENCE: You don't have to think about using the skills. You just do whatever you learned without thinking.
I'm not completely to this point yet. However, I often forget about eating until I feel hunger cues. I prefer eating without distractions and slowly tasting and savoring each bite. I sense my point of 'enough' and then comfortable fullness. However, I still overeat when I'm distracted by conversation while eating with others. With food restrictions from 7 diagnosed food allergies, I still struggle with feeling free to eat anything. Nevertheless, I try to match the qualities I crave (sweet, sour, warm, cold, chewy, creamy, dry, juicy, etc.) to the foods available within my allergy restrictions. I'm somewhere between stages 3 and 4.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Habit Change Insights
After almost 2 days of eating only when sitting down, this afternoon I struggled with wanting to eat between meals when I was not hungry, but was tired and headachey. I wonder how often I previously 'medicated' my fatigue, headaches or even gut pain with food. Today was especially difficult, because Tylenol would not relieve my sleep deprivation headache. However, I kept my resolve to only eat at meals. I felt like I overate a large vegan salad at dinner. However, I also took 2 probiotics before dinner. Those make me bloat and feel 'full' no matter what or how much I eat.
I looked forward to meals, enjoyed what I ate and noticed when I felt full. I didn't want to eat past full, because I didn't want to make myself uncomfortable. I can understand how only eating at meals helped me previously, easily maintain my weight no matter what I ate.
I'm currently rereading Geneen Roth's chapter "Distracted Eating" in her book "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating". That explains how distracted eating often leads to overeating. I have returned to distracted eating (while watching tv or reading even when I sit to eat) repeatedly. I totally understand how distracted eating makes me feel unsatisfied when I feel full. Feeling unsatisfied makes me consider what additional food might make me feel satisfied. So I often crave and eat sweets, especially low fiber sweets, after I feel full. When I'm fully present as I eat, I don't feel unsatisfied when I feel full.
Above all, limiting my eating to sit down meals (I haven't tried sit down snacks yet) gives me boundaries, which allow me to anticipate and enjoy meals when I'm actually hungry and resist eating when I'm physically uncomfortable from fatigue, headaches, etc. or emotionally uncomfortable. Nevertheless, maintaining that 'sit to eat' boundary will be easier when I'm fully rested and feel physically well.
I looked forward to meals, enjoyed what I ate and noticed when I felt full. I didn't want to eat past full, because I didn't want to make myself uncomfortable. I can understand how only eating at meals helped me previously, easily maintain my weight no matter what I ate.
I'm currently rereading Geneen Roth's chapter "Distracted Eating" in her book "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating". That explains how distracted eating often leads to overeating. I have returned to distracted eating (while watching tv or reading even when I sit to eat) repeatedly. I totally understand how distracted eating makes me feel unsatisfied when I feel full. Feeling unsatisfied makes me consider what additional food might make me feel satisfied. So I often crave and eat sweets, especially low fiber sweets, after I feel full. When I'm fully present as I eat, I don't feel unsatisfied when I feel full.
Above all, limiting my eating to sit down meals (I haven't tried sit down snacks yet) gives me boundaries, which allow me to anticipate and enjoy meals when I'm actually hungry and resist eating when I'm physically uncomfortable from fatigue, headaches, etc. or emotionally uncomfortable. Nevertheless, maintaining that 'sit to eat' boundary will be easier when I'm fully rested and feel physically well.
Digestive Challenges Without HCl
About 2 weeks ago I stopped taking betaine hydrochloride supplements for digestion. Almost immediately I stopped refluxing acid. I still refluxed sometimes, but didn't hurt my throat with the acid burn. The throat irritation and cough slowly decreased. However, I still feel that tickle and cough when I feel tired or cold. Nevertheless, I also immeidately noticed that my stomach digested food much more slowly. So I didn't feel satisfied as soon as previously. I often overate until I realized that eating slowly would give my stomach enough time to digest enough food for me to experience satisfaction or 'fullness'. I suspect those sensations are related to blood sugar stabilization as much as quantity consumed.
Nevertheless I've decided to abstain from all digestive supplements for awhile. I'm tired of taking extra supplements. I suspect my digestion was previously challenged by intestinal problems from celiac disease, food allergies and 6 different intestinal 'bugs' (4 bacteria, one parasite, candida). Maybe, just maybe, my gut can digest what I eat, provided I don't overeat.
I seem to still have enough stomach acid to digest meats, even though high protein meals seem to stay in my stomach for at least 4 hours. I digested proteins and fats more easily and quickly, when I took HCl supplements. However, I don't want to risk continual acid reflux, which can cause esophageal cancer. I worry that insufficent stomach acid allows bad bugs to enter my intestines. So I keep taking daily probiotics to maintain a high good bacteria population and crowd out the bad bugs.
Nevertheless I've decided to abstain from all digestive supplements for awhile. I'm tired of taking extra supplements. I suspect my digestion was previously challenged by intestinal problems from celiac disease, food allergies and 6 different intestinal 'bugs' (4 bacteria, one parasite, candida). Maybe, just maybe, my gut can digest what I eat, provided I don't overeat.
I seem to still have enough stomach acid to digest meats, even though high protein meals seem to stay in my stomach for at least 4 hours. I digested proteins and fats more easily and quickly, when I took HCl supplements. However, I don't want to risk continual acid reflux, which can cause esophageal cancer. I worry that insufficent stomach acid allows bad bugs to enter my intestines. So I keep taking daily probiotics to maintain a high good bacteria population and crowd out the bad bugs.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Change One Habit: Sit to Eat
I remember previously blogging about committing to one habit change, but I can't find that post. Maybe I deleted the blog where I posted that comment. However, I remember committing to eat only when sitting, most often at a table or counter (breakfast nook). However that doesn't exclude eating lunch while watching a movie or eating dinner while sitting in the living room watching netflix. Nevertheless, I realize how eating standing up influences my overeating and even bingeing.
When I feel overwhelmed and confused (as I currently feel about my eating habits), I need a simple solution. I don't want to change my whole life style. Furthermore, I have fairly intuitive eating habits most of the time. I eat when hungry, foods I love, focus on the tastes and textures when I eat, and stop when I feel moderately full MOST OF THE TIME.
However, I eat standing up usually when I feel emotional, not physical, hunger. Also I'm influenced by environmental cues, like free food in grocery stores, a specific corner of my kitchen counter, food I'm preparing for a meal, the food in my refrigerator, and even food in my freezer. When I'm not in the kitchen, I never think about eating unless I 'm physically hungry. However, when I only feel slight hunger, entering the kitchen triggers extreme cravings to eat anything tasty and convenient while I prepare the meal. I suspect I developed, 'Pavlovian' response to food samples in stores, preparing food in my kitchen and even opening the refrigerator or freezer. I practiced eating in response to those cues so many times that I believe I'm hungry when I see those stimuli.
Previously I practiced only eating when sitting and experienced fantastic results. I enjoyed the food more when I sat to eat. I felt satisfied by what and how much I ate so that I didn't want more when I finished. I stopped feeling 'hungry' when I prepared food. I resisted all those 'Pavlovian' habit responses long enough to differentiate true physical hunger from environmentally cued cravings. So how, when and why did I resume eating standing up, while preparing food or other times when I responded to environmental cues? I rationalized that:
Normal people don't restrict where they eat.
I'm thin. I can eat anytime and anywhere I want.
Relying on my internal cues of hunger and fullness should limit when, what and how much I eat, without worrying about where I eat.
I can't taste my soups, casseroles, etc. if I won't let myself eat standing up.
I will starve between meals if I can't snack standing up.
I will overeat at my meals if I don't let myself snack standing up between meals.
Here's how I challenge those rationalizations:
My recent bingeing habits were not 'normal eating'. I never binge while sitting down. I almost always binge while standing at the kitchen counter. In order to overcome my 'Pavlovian response' to the kitchen counter, my open refrigerator, etc., I need to practice doing those things there without eating. So choosing to eat sitting down creates a new habit to replace my old stand and binge habit.
I may still be thin. However, I gained 4 pounds, one for each binge, during the past 2 months. When I eat whatever I want without bingeing, I don't gain weight.
Many IE gurus recommend sitting to focus while eating. External cues for eating from my kitchen, refrigerator, meal preparation often seem stronger than my internal hunger/fullness sensations. I'm not limiting where I eat. I'm creating space between urges to eat and actually eating, so I can consider whether I'm actually hungry. Sitting lets me to relax, enjoy eating and focus my stomach cues without distractions of meal preparation or other standing activities.
I can ask my husband to taste what I prepare. Also I can take a small spoonful and sit at the breakfast nook on the other side of the stove while I taste my creation. Walking over to a chair creates enough effort that I won't want to continue tasting many times after I season the food 'to taste'.
When I previously limited eating to meals, I was always surprised at how long meals stayed with me, especially when I ignored external cues to eat.
When I sit, I can eat slowly and focus on how the food tastes, how my stomach feels and whether I feel satisfied. Usually when I focus on all that, I feel bored with eating before I feel moderately full and want to stop eating when I feel full.
So far today I ate 2 sitting meals and resisted tastes and snacks between meals. I enjoyed the food much more because I was actually hungry when I sat to eat. I also felt less environmental cues to eat the longer I resisted tastes and snacks before meals. Rather than lick my fingers or the utensils, I washed the food off my hands and utensils, just as I would do if I were to prepare an allergen.
After writing this post, I realize I'll need to watch my self talk and challenge rationalizations if I want to keep this commitment long enough to extinguish environmental stimuli to eat when I'm not hungry. However, I observed from today's and previous attempts that I did feel less pull from those cues the longer I ignored them and only ate while sitting.
When I feel overwhelmed and confused (as I currently feel about my eating habits), I need a simple solution. I don't want to change my whole life style. Furthermore, I have fairly intuitive eating habits most of the time. I eat when hungry, foods I love, focus on the tastes and textures when I eat, and stop when I feel moderately full MOST OF THE TIME.
However, I eat standing up usually when I feel emotional, not physical, hunger. Also I'm influenced by environmental cues, like free food in grocery stores, a specific corner of my kitchen counter, food I'm preparing for a meal, the food in my refrigerator, and even food in my freezer. When I'm not in the kitchen, I never think about eating unless I 'm physically hungry. However, when I only feel slight hunger, entering the kitchen triggers extreme cravings to eat anything tasty and convenient while I prepare the meal. I suspect I developed, 'Pavlovian' response to food samples in stores, preparing food in my kitchen and even opening the refrigerator or freezer. I practiced eating in response to those cues so many times that I believe I'm hungry when I see those stimuli.
Previously I practiced only eating when sitting and experienced fantastic results. I enjoyed the food more when I sat to eat. I felt satisfied by what and how much I ate so that I didn't want more when I finished. I stopped feeling 'hungry' when I prepared food. I resisted all those 'Pavlovian' habit responses long enough to differentiate true physical hunger from environmentally cued cravings. So how, when and why did I resume eating standing up, while preparing food or other times when I responded to environmental cues? I rationalized that:
Normal people don't restrict where they eat.
I'm thin. I can eat anytime and anywhere I want.
Relying on my internal cues of hunger and fullness should limit when, what and how much I eat, without worrying about where I eat.
I can't taste my soups, casseroles, etc. if I won't let myself eat standing up.
I will starve between meals if I can't snack standing up.
I will overeat at my meals if I don't let myself snack standing up between meals.
Here's how I challenge those rationalizations:
My recent bingeing habits were not 'normal eating'. I never binge while sitting down. I almost always binge while standing at the kitchen counter. In order to overcome my 'Pavlovian response' to the kitchen counter, my open refrigerator, etc., I need to practice doing those things there without eating. So choosing to eat sitting down creates a new habit to replace my old stand and binge habit.
I may still be thin. However, I gained 4 pounds, one for each binge, during the past 2 months. When I eat whatever I want without bingeing, I don't gain weight.
Many IE gurus recommend sitting to focus while eating. External cues for eating from my kitchen, refrigerator, meal preparation often seem stronger than my internal hunger/fullness sensations. I'm not limiting where I eat. I'm creating space between urges to eat and actually eating, so I can consider whether I'm actually hungry. Sitting lets me to relax, enjoy eating and focus my stomach cues without distractions of meal preparation or other standing activities.
I can ask my husband to taste what I prepare. Also I can take a small spoonful and sit at the breakfast nook on the other side of the stove while I taste my creation. Walking over to a chair creates enough effort that I won't want to continue tasting many times after I season the food 'to taste'.
When I previously limited eating to meals, I was always surprised at how long meals stayed with me, especially when I ignored external cues to eat.
When I sit, I can eat slowly and focus on how the food tastes, how my stomach feels and whether I feel satisfied. Usually when I focus on all that, I feel bored with eating before I feel moderately full and want to stop eating when I feel full.
So far today I ate 2 sitting meals and resisted tastes and snacks between meals. I enjoyed the food much more because I was actually hungry when I sat to eat. I also felt less environmental cues to eat the longer I resisted tastes and snacks before meals. Rather than lick my fingers or the utensils, I washed the food off my hands and utensils, just as I would do if I were to prepare an allergen.
After writing this post, I realize I'll need to watch my self talk and challenge rationalizations if I want to keep this commitment long enough to extinguish environmental stimuli to eat when I'm not hungry. However, I observed from today's and previous attempts that I did feel less pull from those cues the longer I ignored them and only ate while sitting.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Treading Water with Eating Habits
After receiving encouragent to continue this blog, a post from one reader, realization that one person officially 'follows' this blog, and memories of comments by several others, I realize people do read this blog. So my hesitancy to continue blogging really stems from not wanting to reveal my current eating struggles. After abstaining from bingeing (and purging) for 9 months, I binged twice in January and twice in February. The second episode occurred 3 weeks after the first binge in January. The third and fourth episodes occurred 2 weeks apart. I was able to get back on track the next day and continue to abstain from bingeing for a few weeks before next episode. However, the more I practice bingeing (and purging), the more easily I can rationalize the next binge episode.
The bad news is that I consumed a lot of sugar (frosted cookies) during that last binge. That was enough to make my blood sugar very unstable for about a week afterwards. I experienced hypoglycemic symptoms (headaches, anxiety, lightheadedness, weakness) before I actually experienced stomach hunger all day every day for a week. So I have snacked between meals much more than usual. Fortunately, I maintained my 'moderate fullness' boundary each time I ate. However, I'm struggling to stay afloat. I'm uncertain how to proceed. I can't seem to remember what 'normal eating' is/was for me.
The good news is that I realized how often my binges are driven by emotional eating, rather than deprivation per se. I binge to distract myself from fear of failure at sewing projects, from frustration about almost anything (from sewing projects to gastrointestinal infections), and to procrastinate unpleasant tasks or 'shoulds'. I thought I had resolved 'emotional eating', after completing the 'Food and Feelings Workbook'. Obviously, I still occasionally use bingeing to cope with emotions. That in itself frightens me.
The bad news is that I consumed a lot of sugar (frosted cookies) during that last binge. That was enough to make my blood sugar very unstable for about a week afterwards. I experienced hypoglycemic symptoms (headaches, anxiety, lightheadedness, weakness) before I actually experienced stomach hunger all day every day for a week. So I have snacked between meals much more than usual. Fortunately, I maintained my 'moderate fullness' boundary each time I ate. However, I'm struggling to stay afloat. I'm uncertain how to proceed. I can't seem to remember what 'normal eating' is/was for me.
The good news is that I realized how often my binges are driven by emotional eating, rather than deprivation per se. I binge to distract myself from fear of failure at sewing projects, from frustration about almost anything (from sewing projects to gastrointestinal infections), and to procrastinate unpleasant tasks or 'shoulds'. I thought I had resolved 'emotional eating', after completing the 'Food and Feelings Workbook'. Obviously, I still occasionally use bingeing to cope with emotions. That in itself frightens me.
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