For the past 3 days I paid close attention to my stomach cues dinner. I distinctly felt that sensation of 'just enough' or 'not hungry but not full'. I had committed to put away food after I felt comfortably full. I did just that after eating only part of my dinner on Tuesday (when I left about 1/3 of my dinner), Wednesday and Thursday (when I put away a little less than 1/2 of my dinner for another meal). I was so amazed when I distinctly felt that not hungry, not full sensation, even while I watched an exciting netflix movie ("Fireproof") during dinner. My 'enough' cue is no longer elusive, maybe because my stomach knows I listen and will respond appropriately.
I'm not trying to limit what I eat in order to lose weight. I'm at my ideal weight. However overeating burdens my already challenged digestive system, for which I already take betaine hydrochloride capsules to facilitate digestion. Eating just enough to satisfy hunger doesn't make my stomach work as hard or as long to digest a meal. I also have suffered from cold/flu symptoms for the past 10 days or so. Those increased in severity almost a week ago after I visited a new penguin exhibit at our local zoo. So I've told everyone I have 'penguin flu'. LOL Nevertheless, eating less at dinner allows me to get to sleep earlier and sleep longer (before the sunlight wakes me up the next morning).
I won't take digestive enzymes (Pancreatin) after dinner for a few days, in order to prepare for another stool test to diagnose what's happening in my gut now. My last test revealed I had the cryptosporidum parasite, which explained why I felt so crappy for awhile. I hope the next text reveals something easily treatable. However I don't look forward to the side effects of treatment. I usually get nausea, gas and bloating from almost all antibacterial, antifungal or antiparasitic treatments.
I'm pleased and amazed that I could learn to recognize 'just enough' so quickly. Maybe I just needed a few good reasons to stop at 'enough'. I suspect I previously sensed enough, but talked myself out of stopping. Now I can easily recognize 'enough' and stop eating. I look forward to a 'leftover' casserole for lunch this weekend, when we plan to make pizza for dinner. Pizza seems too much like a sandwich for me to eat a sandwich for lunch and pizza for dinner. I like variety from meal to meal, except on occasional days when I want peanut butter at every meal. LOL
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Update on Exceptions to Overeating
Maybe establishing a rewarding habit helps me decrease using another habit with negative consequences. Whatever the logic ... my previous post about my search for exceptions to overeating at meals helped me increase my exceptions today. I threw out 2 spoonfuls of cooked breakfast cereal. At lunch I ate 4 slices of orange, only a couple bites of cantaloupe and stored the rest. At dinner I saved about 2/3 of my salmon filet for another meal, because I enjoyed the rice with leftover garbanzo beans (from a previous salad) more than the salmon, which will taste great on a future salad.
I used to save food more often, but I got out of the habit. Now I feel doubly rewarded. First I realize saving food helps me more easily stop after eating 'just enough'. Then I get to enjoy my leftovers at a future meal when I'm hungry enough to savor the flavor. I'm counting the 'exceptions' to my 'I ignore my stomach cues and overeat at meals' belief about myself. This feels easier the second time around, after having practiced 'tossing or saving food' a few months ago.
I used to save food more often, but I got out of the habit. Now I feel doubly rewarded. First I realize saving food helps me more easily stop after eating 'just enough'. Then I get to enjoy my leftovers at a future meal when I'm hungry enough to savor the flavor. I'm counting the 'exceptions' to my 'I ignore my stomach cues and overeat at meals' belief about myself. This feels easier the second time around, after having practiced 'tossing or saving food' a few months ago.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Focus on Belief and Habit Change
I previously believed therapists and eating disorder experts who said that I needed to resolve my psychological problems in order to ‘recover’ from my disordered eating habits. So I read books, went to groups, posted online and talked to therapists about self-esteem, my relationships, professional stress and even my unresolved feelings about my abusive childhood. I believed that insights about myself, my past, my relationship or my lifestyle would magically resolve my eating problems.
However, I continued to binge and purge regularly. Eventually I learned about ‘normal eating’ and attempted occasionally to eat only when I felt hungry and stop eating when I felt full. Then I took a class that convinced me to commit fulltime to normal eating. After that class my binge/purge rate decreased by 50%. However, I still binged and purged, while I worked on those ‘other’ psychological issues.
Then I was diagnosed with celiac disease and 6 additional food allergies. I believed that those allergies caused my disordered eating habits, after reading theories about 'opiate peptides' from undigested food proteins (which caused allergic reactions). I also believed abstaining from my allergy foods would end my binge/purge habits. Then I started bingeing on ‘safe’ foods, which disproved my theory that food allergies made me binge.
Meanwhile, I read 3 books which eventually changed my view of ‘recovery’ from disordered eating.
In “Rules of Normal Eating” Karen Koenig taught me that my BELIEFS influenced my emotions which influenced my habits. She also described exercises by which I could ‘practice’ normal eating.
In the Appetite Awareness workbook, Linda W. Craighead wrote: “Appetite awareness training begins with a model that describes the various reasons an individual starts, continues, and ultimately stops eating … This model does not explain why you developed your current eating patterns; it just helps you figure out why you eat (or don’t eat) and why you stop (or don’t stop). AAT teaches you to analyze what happens each time you eat … You figure out what led you to eat and what led you to stop eating. This is a much easier task than trying to come up with the ‘real’ reason you have an eating problem, or trying to find a ‘simple solution’ to your eating problems. In AAT you tackle one eating decision at a time and you get better and better at making more effective eating decisions.” AAT taught me to change my eating habits by making different decisions.
In “Brief Therapy and Eating Disorders” Barbara McFarland wrote: “the client is doing the best she can and is capable of resolving her specific complaint (problem which) she brings to the therapist ... Nothing always happens. There are always exceptions or nonproblem patterns, and the (therapist’s) task (is to) assist clients to discover these exceptions ... the solutions are already within the client’s repertoire of behaviors and, thus, likely to be repeatable.” That taught me that I could change my eating habits by looking for and repeating exceptions to my problem behaviors. I later realized that those ‘exceptions’ could disprove my irrational beliefs about eating and food.
Ideas from those 3 books convinced me to stop trying to understand my eating habits and begin to focus on replacing counterproductive habits with ‘normal eating’. Like many others with disordered eating habits, ‘trying’ to change my habits really meant circling all around my habits, like a pilot circles the airport before landing. As long as I focused on all my psychological problems, I avoided 'landing' on my eating habits.
When I decided to honestly admit what I believed about food and eating, I began to change those beliefs and more easily change my eating habits. I focused on changing individual disordered habits, by first decreasing binge/purge episodes, then by committing not to purge, which eliminated bingeing, and finally by decreasing overeating episodes. I knew that slips or lapses back into disordered eating were part of my recovery process. However, I also believed that those slips could teach me more about what I needed to change. When I tenaciously clung to irrational beliefs about overeating, I began to look for exceptions to problem habits. Those ‘exceptions’ helped me challenge and replace my problem beliefs. Throughout that recovery process I BELIEVED I had the inner resources to change my beliefs as well as my disordered eating habits.
However, I continued to binge and purge regularly. Eventually I learned about ‘normal eating’ and attempted occasionally to eat only when I felt hungry and stop eating when I felt full. Then I took a class that convinced me to commit fulltime to normal eating. After that class my binge/purge rate decreased by 50%. However, I still binged and purged, while I worked on those ‘other’ psychological issues.
Then I was diagnosed with celiac disease and 6 additional food allergies. I believed that those allergies caused my disordered eating habits, after reading theories about 'opiate peptides' from undigested food proteins (which caused allergic reactions). I also believed abstaining from my allergy foods would end my binge/purge habits. Then I started bingeing on ‘safe’ foods, which disproved my theory that food allergies made me binge.
Meanwhile, I read 3 books which eventually changed my view of ‘recovery’ from disordered eating.
In “Rules of Normal Eating” Karen Koenig taught me that my BELIEFS influenced my emotions which influenced my habits. She also described exercises by which I could ‘practice’ normal eating.
In the Appetite Awareness workbook, Linda W. Craighead wrote: “Appetite awareness training begins with a model that describes the various reasons an individual starts, continues, and ultimately stops eating … This model does not explain why you developed your current eating patterns; it just helps you figure out why you eat (or don’t eat) and why you stop (or don’t stop). AAT teaches you to analyze what happens each time you eat … You figure out what led you to eat and what led you to stop eating. This is a much easier task than trying to come up with the ‘real’ reason you have an eating problem, or trying to find a ‘simple solution’ to your eating problems. In AAT you tackle one eating decision at a time and you get better and better at making more effective eating decisions.” AAT taught me to change my eating habits by making different decisions.
In “Brief Therapy and Eating Disorders” Barbara McFarland wrote: “the client is doing the best she can and is capable of resolving her specific complaint (problem which) she brings to the therapist ... Nothing always happens. There are always exceptions or nonproblem patterns, and the (therapist’s) task (is to) assist clients to discover these exceptions ... the solutions are already within the client’s repertoire of behaviors and, thus, likely to be repeatable.” That taught me that I could change my eating habits by looking for and repeating exceptions to my problem behaviors. I later realized that those ‘exceptions’ could disprove my irrational beliefs about eating and food.
Ideas from those 3 books convinced me to stop trying to understand my eating habits and begin to focus on replacing counterproductive habits with ‘normal eating’. Like many others with disordered eating habits, ‘trying’ to change my habits really meant circling all around my habits, like a pilot circles the airport before landing. As long as I focused on all my psychological problems, I avoided 'landing' on my eating habits.
When I decided to honestly admit what I believed about food and eating, I began to change those beliefs and more easily change my eating habits. I focused on changing individual disordered habits, by first decreasing binge/purge episodes, then by committing not to purge, which eliminated bingeing, and finally by decreasing overeating episodes. I knew that slips or lapses back into disordered eating were part of my recovery process. However, I also believed that those slips could teach me more about what I needed to change. When I tenaciously clung to irrational beliefs about overeating, I began to look for exceptions to problem habits. Those ‘exceptions’ helped me challenge and replace my problem beliefs. Throughout that recovery process I BELIEVED I had the inner resources to change my beliefs as well as my disordered eating habits.
Finding and Increasing Exceptions
In my previous post I listed beliefs which influenced my hestitation to stop eating when I felt comfortably satisfied. One of those beliefs is "If I stop when I feel satisfied (not hungry but not overly full), I will feel deprived." However I have noticed occasions or meals that I do NOT feel deprived when I stop eating at the point of comfortable fullness. Those occasions are EXCEPTIONS to my belief (or even 'rule') that I will feel deprived when I stop eating at my 'comfortable' point.
My 'exceptions' to my deprivation belief include:
When I eat at restaurants, I plan to take home leftovers, because I believe restaurant portions are too large. I look forward to having a second meal from my restaurant leftovers.
When I serve myself with the rest of my meal sliced fruit (apples, oranges, pears) in a plastic bag for leftovers, I can easily stop at 'enough' and leave the fruit for another meal.
When I save leftover portions of entre meats, vegies, soups, casseroles, I look forward to using that food in future soup or casserole creations.
So I began to consider my beliefs about those 'exceptions' in order to find more exceptions to my 'deprivation' belief. Then I realized that in restaurants I not only believed I would receive more food than I needed, I looked forward to eating the extra food at a future meal. In the sliced fruit exception, I believed I could easily stop eating at 'enough' and put the extra slices in the refrigerator for another meal. However, I also believed I would ENJOY that fruit more when I felt hungry again, than if I continued to eat it past my satisfaction point.
I also considered what I've read, that stopping at satisfied is easier if you believe you can eat the same food again anytime you want. Then I realized I DID NOT believe I could always eat the 'same food' anytime I want, because I rarely LET myself eat the same food again as a snack or part of a future meal. I usually vary my meals so that I won't feel bored by what I eat. When I eat a bowl of hot cereal I usually do not want to save small amounts, because I don't think that will taste appetizing later. Rather than throw out 2-3 bites, I just eat those last bites and often feel uncomfortable. When I eat a salad, I don't believe I can safely eat leftover dressed salad a day or 2 later, because I fear bacterial growth on salad leftovers. So I don't believe I will let myself enjoy some foods again, because I don't let myself leave leftovers of certain foods. Nevertheless, I can eat hot cereal every morning if I want. My husband would love to eat entree dinner salads every night. Yet I still didn't trust that I will let myself have the same food again, if I stop eating at the point of enough.
So I tried increasing my 'exceptional' circumstances. I frequently included an easily storeable food (like fruit) in most lunches. I saved some of last night's salad and had a few bites of my leftover salad at lunch today. I ate the same hot cereal and fruit for several days in a row until I got tired of it. I even ate peanut butter and fruit for breakfast and peanut butter and fruit for lunch yesterday. I remembered how much I enjoyed making soups and/or casseroles from little containers of my leftovers from meals. All those 'exceptions' helped convince me that saving excess food is more pleasurable than eating all the food I serve myself and making myself uncomfortably full. I can enjoy those leftovers more when I'm hungry again at another meal, on a different day or even in a different form. All those 'exceptions' to my belief about deprivation changed my belief from usually true to rarely true.
Beliefs are like rules. We can find exceptions to rules. If we find enough exceptions, we may no longer trust those rules. We may even change those rules. Likewise we can change our beliefs, if we look for, find and increase the possibility of exceptions.
My 'exceptions' to my deprivation belief include:
When I eat at restaurants, I plan to take home leftovers, because I believe restaurant portions are too large. I look forward to having a second meal from my restaurant leftovers.
When I serve myself with the rest of my meal sliced fruit (apples, oranges, pears) in a plastic bag for leftovers, I can easily stop at 'enough' and leave the fruit for another meal.
When I save leftover portions of entre meats, vegies, soups, casseroles, I look forward to using that food in future soup or casserole creations.
So I began to consider my beliefs about those 'exceptions' in order to find more exceptions to my 'deprivation' belief. Then I realized that in restaurants I not only believed I would receive more food than I needed, I looked forward to eating the extra food at a future meal. In the sliced fruit exception, I believed I could easily stop eating at 'enough' and put the extra slices in the refrigerator for another meal. However, I also believed I would ENJOY that fruit more when I felt hungry again, than if I continued to eat it past my satisfaction point.
I also considered what I've read, that stopping at satisfied is easier if you believe you can eat the same food again anytime you want. Then I realized I DID NOT believe I could always eat the 'same food' anytime I want, because I rarely LET myself eat the same food again as a snack or part of a future meal. I usually vary my meals so that I won't feel bored by what I eat. When I eat a bowl of hot cereal I usually do not want to save small amounts, because I don't think that will taste appetizing later. Rather than throw out 2-3 bites, I just eat those last bites and often feel uncomfortable. When I eat a salad, I don't believe I can safely eat leftover dressed salad a day or 2 later, because I fear bacterial growth on salad leftovers. So I don't believe I will let myself enjoy some foods again, because I don't let myself leave leftovers of certain foods. Nevertheless, I can eat hot cereal every morning if I want. My husband would love to eat entree dinner salads every night. Yet I still didn't trust that I will let myself have the same food again, if I stop eating at the point of enough.
So I tried increasing my 'exceptional' circumstances. I frequently included an easily storeable food (like fruit) in most lunches. I saved some of last night's salad and had a few bites of my leftover salad at lunch today. I ate the same hot cereal and fruit for several days in a row until I got tired of it. I even ate peanut butter and fruit for breakfast and peanut butter and fruit for lunch yesterday. I remembered how much I enjoyed making soups and/or casseroles from little containers of my leftovers from meals. All those 'exceptions' helped convince me that saving excess food is more pleasurable than eating all the food I serve myself and making myself uncomfortably full. I can enjoy those leftovers more when I'm hungry again at another meal, on a different day or even in a different form. All those 'exceptions' to my belief about deprivation changed my belief from usually true to rarely true.
Beliefs are like rules. We can find exceptions to rules. If we find enough exceptions, we may no longer trust those rules. We may even change those rules. Likewise we can change our beliefs, if we look for, find and increase the possibility of exceptions.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 5
After I learned to eat only when I was physically hungry and stop eating when I felt satisfied or comfortably full, the following beliefs made me resist stopping when I felt comfortable. Again I will list each irrational belief followed by a description of how I changed that belief and/or the new belief:
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.
After I considered my beliefs about 'deprivation' and other areas where I felt 'deprived', my new belief became: I can always more of the same food or even a dessert the next time I feel hungry or at the next meal. However continuing to eat past 'satisfied' will deprive me of physical comfort for awhile after the meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge.
After I challenged and changed my belief about 'snacks lead to binges', I no longer feared getting hungry between meals. So my new belief became: I can eat anytime I feel moderately hungry, whether I choose a small snack to delay a meal or I choose a larger meal. So I don't need to overeat to avoid between meal hunger.
IB If I stop at 'satisfied' I will get hungry and snack between meals. Then I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.
After I experimented with snacks of different kinds of foods, I discovered which foods could satisfy my hunger just enough for the moment, but allow me to become hungry for a later meal. So my new belief became: If I feel hungry between meals I can eat just enough of a snack to temporarily satisfy hungry but be hungry again before a meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.
After I observed which foods or combination of foods kept me UNhungry for long periods, I realized that I could eat comfortable amounts of foods with 'staying power', rather than stuff myself to prevent low blood sugar before the next meal. So my new belief became: I can stop eating foods with staying power when I feel comfortably full and stay unhungry for long periods.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied, I will waste food by not eating everything I served myself.
I tried several approaches to challenge this belief (1) I left a few bites of food on my plate every meal; (2) I kept a leftovers storage container by my place at the table to remind me to store excess food in the fridge, not my stomach; (3) I tried to guesstimate how much to serve myself by using my loosely clenched fist as a guideline for my stomach size; and (4) I 'observed and corrected' with various meals how much was too much and how much felt just right. Eventually my new belief became: I can avoid wasting food by serving myself 'comfortable sized portions' or by storing leftovers in the freezer, but I waste food whether I throw it away or eat excess food which I don't need.
Despite my efforts to challenge and change my beliefs about eating past satisfaction, I still sometimes hear myself saying: "I'm not hungry, but I'm not full. I could stop now, but I want to eat more until I know that I'm DEFINITELY full." Satisfaction seems so elusive that I often prefer to stop eating when I feel obvious pain, rather than elusive 'not hungry, not full'. However, I learned that, if I stop when I feel neither hungry nor full, my stomach will soon tell me that I reached 'full' after it digests the food a little more. If I eat very slowly and focus on my physical sensations, my stomach will send me 'comfortably full' signals. Nevertheless, rather than keep eating after I reach the not hungry/not full point, I can choose to ignore my self talk and just stop eating. When I choose to just stop, I observe that I can survive without those extra bites.
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.
After I considered my beliefs about 'deprivation' and other areas where I felt 'deprived', my new belief became: I can always more of the same food or even a dessert the next time I feel hungry or at the next meal. However continuing to eat past 'satisfied' will deprive me of physical comfort for awhile after the meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge.
After I challenged and changed my belief about 'snacks lead to binges', I no longer feared getting hungry between meals. So my new belief became: I can eat anytime I feel moderately hungry, whether I choose a small snack to delay a meal or I choose a larger meal. So I don't need to overeat to avoid between meal hunger.
IB If I stop at 'satisfied' I will get hungry and snack between meals. Then I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.
After I experimented with snacks of different kinds of foods, I discovered which foods could satisfy my hunger just enough for the moment, but allow me to become hungry for a later meal. So my new belief became: If I feel hungry between meals I can eat just enough of a snack to temporarily satisfy hungry but be hungry again before a meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.
After I observed which foods or combination of foods kept me UNhungry for long periods, I realized that I could eat comfortable amounts of foods with 'staying power', rather than stuff myself to prevent low blood sugar before the next meal. So my new belief became: I can stop eating foods with staying power when I feel comfortably full and stay unhungry for long periods.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied, I will waste food by not eating everything I served myself.
I tried several approaches to challenge this belief (1) I left a few bites of food on my plate every meal; (2) I kept a leftovers storage container by my place at the table to remind me to store excess food in the fridge, not my stomach; (3) I tried to guesstimate how much to serve myself by using my loosely clenched fist as a guideline for my stomach size; and (4) I 'observed and corrected' with various meals how much was too much and how much felt just right. Eventually my new belief became: I can avoid wasting food by serving myself 'comfortable sized portions' or by storing leftovers in the freezer, but I waste food whether I throw it away or eat excess food which I don't need.
Despite my efforts to challenge and change my beliefs about eating past satisfaction, I still sometimes hear myself saying: "I'm not hungry, but I'm not full. I could stop now, but I want to eat more until I know that I'm DEFINITELY full." Satisfaction seems so elusive that I often prefer to stop eating when I feel obvious pain, rather than elusive 'not hungry, not full'. However, I learned that, if I stop when I feel neither hungry nor full, my stomach will soon tell me that I reached 'full' after it digests the food a little more. If I eat very slowly and focus on my physical sensations, my stomach will send me 'comfortably full' signals. Nevertheless, rather than keep eating after I reach the not hungry/not full point, I can choose to ignore my self talk and just stop eating. When I choose to just stop, I observe that I can survive without those extra bites.
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 4
In this post I will list my irrational beliefs about purging and bingeing followed by purging and then describe how I replaced those beliefs:
IB Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
After I honestly admitted that I chose to binge eat, I realized I could choose to shorten a binge and eventually reduce binges to overeating or large snacks. So my new belief became: Even after I choose to binge, every bite is a new decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away, and do something else.
IB Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
When I tracked my binge/purge episodes and weight, I observed that months when I frequently binged, I also weighed more. Then I read that by the time I purged, I had already digested most of the simple sugar calories, from my mostly sweet binge foods. I only purged fiber, fats and protein which could keep me unhungry longer and prevent another binge. So my new belief became: Purging may eliminate a few calories, but not enough to escape weight related consequences of binges.
IB If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
I learned that celiac disease and food allergy reactions occur in the small intestine, which purging doesn't affect. By the time I sense painful reactions, the problem food is in my intestine. Rather than try to stop the digestive process with purging, I could more effectively treat the pain with herbal teas, exercise or heating pads. So my new belief became: Purging may empty stomach contents, but vomiting doesn't affect celiac or food allergy reaction which cause pain in the intestines.
IB Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
es and dehydrated my body, which caused constipation. Above all, allowing myself to purge gave me permission to binge. So my new belief became: Purging is as physically harmful as bingeing, but even worse because it gives me permission to binge.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
The longer I hid those habits from others, the more ashamed I felt. When I shared my experiences with others who used those habits, I felt less shame. Eventually I learned that by bingeing and purging I was doing "the best I could with what I knew at the time". As I searched for answers and talked to others, I learned more and made better choices. So my new belief became: Bingeing and purging are merely ineffective coping habits, which when shared, can be explored and resolved.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
For many years that belief discouraged me from revealing painful gut symptoms to my doctor. Unfortunately when I told my doctor about my habits, she only asked if I saw a therapist. Likewise, when I told my therapist about my painful gut symptoms, she told me to see my doctor. Neither wanted to talk about my gut symptoms. When I found a doctor who listened to my gut symptoms, she dismissed those as 'ibs', which I later learned was a catch-all diagnosis for gut symptoms which docs couldn't explain. Years later, I learned I had celiac disease, food allergies and bacterial dysbiosis (excessive bad bacteria and a parasite in my intestines). Those conditions were related more to heredity (I have the CD gene) and using doctor prescribed antiacid drugs. So my new belief became: Although bingeing and purging can cause some uncomfortable symptoms, celiac disease, food alleries, bacterial dysbiosis and hypochlorida (low stomach acid) caused my excruciating gut symptoms.
Because bingeing and purging were my most 'disordered' eating habits for many years, replacing my beliefs about those habits and considering exceptional times, when I binged and purged less often helped me decrease my disordered eating episodes. Now I focus on eliminating overeating by increasing the times I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full.
IB Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
After I honestly admitted that I chose to binge eat, I realized I could choose to shorten a binge and eventually reduce binges to overeating or large snacks. So my new belief became: Even after I choose to binge, every bite is a new decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away, and do something else.
IB Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
When I tracked my binge/purge episodes and weight, I observed that months when I frequently binged, I also weighed more. Then I read that by the time I purged, I had already digested most of the simple sugar calories, from my mostly sweet binge foods. I only purged fiber, fats and protein which could keep me unhungry longer and prevent another binge. So my new belief became: Purging may eliminate a few calories, but not enough to escape weight related consequences of binges.
IB If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
I learned that celiac disease and food allergy reactions occur in the small intestine, which purging doesn't affect. By the time I sense painful reactions, the problem food is in my intestine. Rather than try to stop the digestive process with purging, I could more effectively treat the pain with herbal teas, exercise or heating pads. So my new belief became: Purging may empty stomach contents, but vomiting doesn't affect celiac or food allergy reaction which cause pain in the intestines.
IB Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
es and dehydrated my body, which caused constipation. Above all, allowing myself to purge gave me permission to binge. So my new belief became: Purging is as physically harmful as bingeing, but even worse because it gives me permission to binge.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
The longer I hid those habits from others, the more ashamed I felt. When I shared my experiences with others who used those habits, I felt less shame. Eventually I learned that by bingeing and purging I was doing "the best I could with what I knew at the time". As I searched for answers and talked to others, I learned more and made better choices. So my new belief became: Bingeing and purging are merely ineffective coping habits, which when shared, can be explored and resolved.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
For many years that belief discouraged me from revealing painful gut symptoms to my doctor. Unfortunately when I told my doctor about my habits, she only asked if I saw a therapist. Likewise, when I told my therapist about my painful gut symptoms, she told me to see my doctor. Neither wanted to talk about my gut symptoms. When I found a doctor who listened to my gut symptoms, she dismissed those as 'ibs', which I later learned was a catch-all diagnosis for gut symptoms which docs couldn't explain. Years later, I learned I had celiac disease, food allergies and bacterial dysbiosis (excessive bad bacteria and a parasite in my intestines). Those conditions were related more to heredity (I have the CD gene) and using doctor prescribed antiacid drugs. So my new belief became: Although bingeing and purging can cause some uncomfortable symptoms, celiac disease, food alleries, bacterial dysbiosis and hypochlorida (low stomach acid) caused my excruciating gut symptoms.
Because bingeing and purging were my most 'disordered' eating habits for many years, replacing my beliefs about those habits and considering exceptional times, when I binged and purged less often helped me decrease my disordered eating episodes. Now I focus on eliminating overeating by increasing the times I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
New Discussion Group/Board
Anyone who follows my 'healthy within journey' on this blog may also like to participate in the Yahoo group I created today. The link to that board is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/findtruthgetfree
You can decide if the board focus fits your needs after you read the description. I also posted 3 comments, a link to this blog and a poll.
If you already joined, feel free to start posting comments to my topics or create your own topics. ENJOY!!
You can decide if the board focus fits your needs after you read the description. I also posted 3 comments, a link to this blog and a poll.
If you already joined, feel free to start posting comments to my topics or create your own topics. ENJOY!!
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