After I learned to eat only when I was physically hungry and stop eating when I felt satisfied or comfortably full, the following beliefs made me resist stopping when I felt comfortable. Again I will list each irrational belief followed by a description of how I changed that belief and/or the new belief:
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.
After I considered my beliefs about 'deprivation' and other areas where I felt 'deprived', my new belief became: I can always more of the same food or even a dessert the next time I feel hungry or at the next meal. However continuing to eat past 'satisfied' will deprive me of physical comfort for awhile after the meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge.
After I challenged and changed my belief about 'snacks lead to binges', I no longer feared getting hungry between meals. So my new belief became: I can eat anytime I feel moderately hungry, whether I choose a small snack to delay a meal or I choose a larger meal. So I don't need to overeat to avoid between meal hunger.
IB If I stop at 'satisfied' I will get hungry and snack between meals. Then I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.
After I experimented with snacks of different kinds of foods, I discovered which foods could satisfy my hunger just enough for the moment, but allow me to become hungry for a later meal. So my new belief became: If I feel hungry between meals I can eat just enough of a snack to temporarily satisfy hungry but be hungry again before a meal.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.
After I observed which foods or combination of foods kept me UNhungry for long periods, I realized that I could eat comfortable amounts of foods with 'staying power', rather than stuff myself to prevent low blood sugar before the next meal. So my new belief became: I can stop eating foods with staying power when I feel comfortably full and stay unhungry for long periods.
IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied, I will waste food by not eating everything I served myself.
I tried several approaches to challenge this belief (1) I left a few bites of food on my plate every meal; (2) I kept a leftovers storage container by my place at the table to remind me to store excess food in the fridge, not my stomach; (3) I tried to guesstimate how much to serve myself by using my loosely clenched fist as a guideline for my stomach size; and (4) I 'observed and corrected' with various meals how much was too much and how much felt just right. Eventually my new belief became: I can avoid wasting food by serving myself 'comfortable sized portions' or by storing leftovers in the freezer, but I waste food whether I throw it away or eat excess food which I don't need.
Despite my efforts to challenge and change my beliefs about eating past satisfaction, I still sometimes hear myself saying: "I'm not hungry, but I'm not full. I could stop now, but I want to eat more until I know that I'm DEFINITELY full." Satisfaction seems so elusive that I often prefer to stop eating when I feel obvious pain, rather than elusive 'not hungry, not full'. However, I learned that, if I stop when I feel neither hungry nor full, my stomach will soon tell me that I reached 'full' after it digests the food a little more. If I eat very slowly and focus on my physical sensations, my stomach will send me 'comfortably full' signals. Nevertheless, rather than keep eating after I reach the not hungry/not full point, I can choose to ignore my self talk and just stop eating. When I choose to just stop, I observe that I can survive without those extra bites.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 4
In this post I will list my irrational beliefs about purging and bingeing followed by purging and then describe how I replaced those beliefs:
IB Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
After I honestly admitted that I chose to binge eat, I realized I could choose to shorten a binge and eventually reduce binges to overeating or large snacks. So my new belief became: Even after I choose to binge, every bite is a new decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away, and do something else.
IB Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
When I tracked my binge/purge episodes and weight, I observed that months when I frequently binged, I also weighed more. Then I read that by the time I purged, I had already digested most of the simple sugar calories, from my mostly sweet binge foods. I only purged fiber, fats and protein which could keep me unhungry longer and prevent another binge. So my new belief became: Purging may eliminate a few calories, but not enough to escape weight related consequences of binges.
IB If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
I learned that celiac disease and food allergy reactions occur in the small intestine, which purging doesn't affect. By the time I sense painful reactions, the problem food is in my intestine. Rather than try to stop the digestive process with purging, I could more effectively treat the pain with herbal teas, exercise or heating pads. So my new belief became: Purging may empty stomach contents, but vomiting doesn't affect celiac or food allergy reaction which cause pain in the intestines.
IB Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
es and dehydrated my body, which caused constipation. Above all, allowing myself to purge gave me permission to binge. So my new belief became: Purging is as physically harmful as bingeing, but even worse because it gives me permission to binge.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
The longer I hid those habits from others, the more ashamed I felt. When I shared my experiences with others who used those habits, I felt less shame. Eventually I learned that by bingeing and purging I was doing "the best I could with what I knew at the time". As I searched for answers and talked to others, I learned more and made better choices. So my new belief became: Bingeing and purging are merely ineffective coping habits, which when shared, can be explored and resolved.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
For many years that belief discouraged me from revealing painful gut symptoms to my doctor. Unfortunately when I told my doctor about my habits, she only asked if I saw a therapist. Likewise, when I told my therapist about my painful gut symptoms, she told me to see my doctor. Neither wanted to talk about my gut symptoms. When I found a doctor who listened to my gut symptoms, she dismissed those as 'ibs', which I later learned was a catch-all diagnosis for gut symptoms which docs couldn't explain. Years later, I learned I had celiac disease, food allergies and bacterial dysbiosis (excessive bad bacteria and a parasite in my intestines). Those conditions were related more to heredity (I have the CD gene) and using doctor prescribed antiacid drugs. So my new belief became: Although bingeing and purging can cause some uncomfortable symptoms, celiac disease, food alleries, bacterial dysbiosis and hypochlorida (low stomach acid) caused my excruciating gut symptoms.
Because bingeing and purging were my most 'disordered' eating habits for many years, replacing my beliefs about those habits and considering exceptional times, when I binged and purged less often helped me decrease my disordered eating episodes. Now I focus on eliminating overeating by increasing the times I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full.
IB Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
After I honestly admitted that I chose to binge eat, I realized I could choose to shorten a binge and eventually reduce binges to overeating or large snacks. So my new belief became: Even after I choose to binge, every bite is a new decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away, and do something else.
IB Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
When I tracked my binge/purge episodes and weight, I observed that months when I frequently binged, I also weighed more. Then I read that by the time I purged, I had already digested most of the simple sugar calories, from my mostly sweet binge foods. I only purged fiber, fats and protein which could keep me unhungry longer and prevent another binge. So my new belief became: Purging may eliminate a few calories, but not enough to escape weight related consequences of binges.
IB If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
I learned that celiac disease and food allergy reactions occur in the small intestine, which purging doesn't affect. By the time I sense painful reactions, the problem food is in my intestine. Rather than try to stop the digestive process with purging, I could more effectively treat the pain with herbal teas, exercise or heating pads. So my new belief became: Purging may empty stomach contents, but vomiting doesn't affect celiac or food allergy reaction which cause pain in the intestines.
IB Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
es and dehydrated my body, which caused constipation. Above all, allowing myself to purge gave me permission to binge. So my new belief became: Purging is as physically harmful as bingeing, but even worse because it gives me permission to binge.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
The longer I hid those habits from others, the more ashamed I felt. When I shared my experiences with others who used those habits, I felt less shame. Eventually I learned that by bingeing and purging I was doing "the best I could with what I knew at the time". As I searched for answers and talked to others, I learned more and made better choices. So my new belief became: Bingeing and purging are merely ineffective coping habits, which when shared, can be explored and resolved.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
For many years that belief discouraged me from revealing painful gut symptoms to my doctor. Unfortunately when I told my doctor about my habits, she only asked if I saw a therapist. Likewise, when I told my therapist about my painful gut symptoms, she told me to see my doctor. Neither wanted to talk about my gut symptoms. When I found a doctor who listened to my gut symptoms, she dismissed those as 'ibs', which I later learned was a catch-all diagnosis for gut symptoms which docs couldn't explain. Years later, I learned I had celiac disease, food allergies and bacterial dysbiosis (excessive bad bacteria and a parasite in my intestines). Those conditions were related more to heredity (I have the CD gene) and using doctor prescribed antiacid drugs. So my new belief became: Although bingeing and purging can cause some uncomfortable symptoms, celiac disease, food alleries, bacterial dysbiosis and hypochlorida (low stomach acid) caused my excruciating gut symptoms.
Because bingeing and purging were my most 'disordered' eating habits for many years, replacing my beliefs about those habits and considering exceptional times, when I binged and purged less often helped me decrease my disordered eating episodes. Now I focus on eliminating overeating by increasing the times I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
New Discussion Group/Board
Anyone who follows my 'healthy within journey' on this blog may also like to participate in the Yahoo group I created today. The link to that board is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/findtruthgetfree
You can decide if the board focus fits your needs after you read the description. I also posted 3 comments, a link to this blog and a poll.
If you already joined, feel free to start posting comments to my topics or create your own topics. ENJOY!!
You can decide if the board focus fits your needs after you read the description. I also posted 3 comments, a link to this blog and a poll.
If you already joined, feel free to start posting comments to my topics or create your own topics. ENJOY!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 3
I grouped the following beliefs together, because my experience with food allergies taught me that what I believed about the food, not the food itself, influenced my binges. After each irrational belief I will describe what helped me change that belief and/or list my new belief.
IB Eating certain foods will make me binge.
After I learned which foods caused painful allergic or celiac reactions, I easily abstained from those foods. I wanted to believe my allergy foods had 'triggered' my binges. So I believed abstaining from those foods would eliminate my binges. After I began to binge on non allergic or 'safe' foods, I considered whether my BELIEFS about those foods, rather than the specific foods, motivated my binges. For example, I believed certain 'binge' foods were 'safe', but also less nutritional than other foods. So I felt conflicted about whether I 'should' eat those tasty, safe, but less nutritional foods. That conflict influenced me to sometimes binge and sometimes responsibly eat those foods. So my new belief became: My BELIEFS about certain foods influence my choice to binge on those foods.
IB I can't keep my 'binge foods' in the house, because I will always overeat or binge eat them.
Because the presence of certain foods doesn't make me binge, I can choose whether or not to eat any food responsibly. So my new belief became: I can CHOOSE to either abstain from a food or responsibly eat that food when I'm hungry and stop eating when I feel satisfied.
IB I binge, because I am bulimic.
Labels like 'bulimia', 'anorexia', 'binge eating disorder', or 'orthorexia' only describe symptoms or behaviors. Those labels do not explain why someone chooses those behaviors or how to change those behaviors. Those labels may be useful for mental health center billing purposes. However those labels don't help individuals change their disordered eating habits. So my new belief is: I binge because (1) I will not allow myself to eat certain foods 'normally' (within the boundaries of hunger and satisfaction), or (2) I choose to ignore physical hunger/satisfaction cues in order to comfort myself or distract myself from painful emotions or (3) I want to reward myself by eating my 'forbidden' foods when I feel deprived.
IB I binge because I have food allergies (which I believed until I started bingeing on my 'safe' or nonallergenic foods).
As mentioned under "Eating certain foods make me binge", after I was diagnosed with food allergies, I easily abstained from those foods, because I was so glad to learn what caused my gut pain and how to prevent that pain. I read theories about food allergies causing cravings and binge eating and believed I would never binge again UNTIL I started bingeing on my 'safe' nonallergen dessert foods. Then I realized what I BELIEVED about the foods, not the ingredients of the foods, influenced my decision to binge. If I believed the foods caused pain, I could easily abstain. If I could eat a food without painful reactions, but I believed the food was NOT as healthy as other foods, I went back and forth about whether I 'should' eat the food or whether I should eat a 'healthier' food than the one I wanted. Those conflicting feelings made me sometimes eat those foods moderately, sometimes binge on them after feeling guilty about wanting to eat an unhealthy food, and sometimes abstain from them (especially after I binge ate all of the food and didn't buy more). So my new belief became: My BELEIFS about certain foods influence me to binge eat those foods.
IB I must eat low calorie foods to compensate for regular binges during which I eat waaay too many calories.
Eating low calorie foods may not satisfy my hunger or keep me unhungry very long. Then I may overeat those foods in order to get enough nutrition to feel satisfied. That overeating can feel so uncomfortably that I may continue to overeat to distract myself from the discomfort or guilt about overeating. So restricting myself to 'low calorie' foods can backfire, because I may consume even great amounts (and more total calories) from low calorie foods, than I would consume with a smaller amount of higher calorie or high fat foods. Feeling unsatisfied or chronically hungry after eating only low calorie foods can also influence future binges. So my new belief is: Rather than try to compensate for overeating or bingeing, choosing to eat foods that will satisfy my hunger and keep me unhungry for long periods will prevent future binges.
In my next post I will list my irrational beliefs about purging and bingeing followed by purging and describe how I replaced those beliefs.
IB Eating certain foods will make me binge.
After I learned which foods caused painful allergic or celiac reactions, I easily abstained from those foods. I wanted to believe my allergy foods had 'triggered' my binges. So I believed abstaining from those foods would eliminate my binges. After I began to binge on non allergic or 'safe' foods, I considered whether my BELIEFS about those foods, rather than the specific foods, motivated my binges. For example, I believed certain 'binge' foods were 'safe', but also less nutritional than other foods. So I felt conflicted about whether I 'should' eat those tasty, safe, but less nutritional foods. That conflict influenced me to sometimes binge and sometimes responsibly eat those foods. So my new belief became: My BELIEFS about certain foods influence my choice to binge on those foods.
IB I can't keep my 'binge foods' in the house, because I will always overeat or binge eat them.
Because the presence of certain foods doesn't make me binge, I can choose whether or not to eat any food responsibly. So my new belief became: I can CHOOSE to either abstain from a food or responsibly eat that food when I'm hungry and stop eating when I feel satisfied.
IB I binge, because I am bulimic.
Labels like 'bulimia', 'anorexia', 'binge eating disorder', or 'orthorexia' only describe symptoms or behaviors. Those labels do not explain why someone chooses those behaviors or how to change those behaviors. Those labels may be useful for mental health center billing purposes. However those labels don't help individuals change their disordered eating habits. So my new belief is: I binge because (1) I will not allow myself to eat certain foods 'normally' (within the boundaries of hunger and satisfaction), or (2) I choose to ignore physical hunger/satisfaction cues in order to comfort myself or distract myself from painful emotions or (3) I want to reward myself by eating my 'forbidden' foods when I feel deprived.
IB I binge because I have food allergies (which I believed until I started bingeing on my 'safe' or nonallergenic foods).
As mentioned under "Eating certain foods make me binge", after I was diagnosed with food allergies, I easily abstained from those foods, because I was so glad to learn what caused my gut pain and how to prevent that pain. I read theories about food allergies causing cravings and binge eating and believed I would never binge again UNTIL I started bingeing on my 'safe' nonallergen dessert foods. Then I realized what I BELIEVED about the foods, not the ingredients of the foods, influenced my decision to binge. If I believed the foods caused pain, I could easily abstain. If I could eat a food without painful reactions, but I believed the food was NOT as healthy as other foods, I went back and forth about whether I 'should' eat the food or whether I should eat a 'healthier' food than the one I wanted. Those conflicting feelings made me sometimes eat those foods moderately, sometimes binge on them after feeling guilty about wanting to eat an unhealthy food, and sometimes abstain from them (especially after I binge ate all of the food and didn't buy more). So my new belief became: My BELEIFS about certain foods influence me to binge eat those foods.
IB I must eat low calorie foods to compensate for regular binges during which I eat waaay too many calories.
Eating low calorie foods may not satisfy my hunger or keep me unhungry very long. Then I may overeat those foods in order to get enough nutrition to feel satisfied. That overeating can feel so uncomfortably that I may continue to overeat to distract myself from the discomfort or guilt about overeating. So restricting myself to 'low calorie' foods can backfire, because I may consume even great amounts (and more total calories) from low calorie foods, than I would consume with a smaller amount of higher calorie or high fat foods. Feeling unsatisfied or chronically hungry after eating only low calorie foods can also influence future binges. So my new belief is: Rather than try to compensate for overeating or bingeing, choosing to eat foods that will satisfy my hunger and keep me unhungry for long periods will prevent future binges.
In my next post I will list my irrational beliefs about purging and bingeing followed by purging and describe how I replaced those beliefs.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 2
As mentioned in my previous post, I will describe how I changed my irrational beliefs and list more logical beliefs which replace those irrational beliefs in this post. Rather than force the reader to flip back and forth between the 2 posts to match irrational beliefs and 'replacement' rational beliefs, I will list all the irrational beliefs preceded by 'IR' and then follow each belief with a comment about how I replaced the belief and the new more rational belief (in bold type).
IR I must avoid eating certain foods in order to lose weight and/or maintain my ideal weight.
I learned at a church sponsored class that I could eat ANY food I wanted between the boundaries of hunger and comfortable fullness, which I did during that class, and still lost weight. After my food allergy diagnoses I learned to abstain from any food that caused painful allergic reactions. So my new rational belief is: I can eat any food between the boundaries of hunger and satisfaction and still maintain my ideal weight, but I choose to avoid foods that cause painful reactions.
IB I must exercise every day if I don't want to regain all the weight I lost (at age 20).
I observed after surgery which required complete bedrest and eating every 4 hours before taking meds that I could lose weight with no exercise. My ratioinal belief became: My body will require less food if I exercise less. So I can maintain my ideal weight by eating according to my body's hunger/fullness cues.
IB I must avoid snacking between meals, because snacks always turn into binges.
That belief is similar to "I must avoid between meal snacks, because I will 'spoil my appetite for the next meal." I suspect guilt about 'ruining my appetite' influences my decision to keep snacking to distract myself from guilt. HOWEVER, When I obey my hunger/satisfaction cues, I can easily eat just enough of a snack to satisfy hunger for the moment and still feel hungry again for a planned meal.
IB If I eat too much while snacking, I might just as well binge to get rid of any tempting foods so I won't snack again.
If I feel too full after a snack, I can either delay the next meal until I feel physically hungry or eat much less at the next meal so that I don't feel stuffed.
IB Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
Every bite is another decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away and let my body digest the food. I don't have to binge or purge to 'undo' overeating, because my body will digest even excess food eventually.
That's enough for now. In my next post I'll list my irrational beliefs about stopping when I feel physically full or satisfied and bingeing and my new 'replacement' logical beliefs.
IR I must avoid eating certain foods in order to lose weight and/or maintain my ideal weight.
I learned at a church sponsored class that I could eat ANY food I wanted between the boundaries of hunger and comfortable fullness, which I did during that class, and still lost weight. After my food allergy diagnoses I learned to abstain from any food that caused painful allergic reactions. So my new rational belief is: I can eat any food between the boundaries of hunger and satisfaction and still maintain my ideal weight, but I choose to avoid foods that cause painful reactions.
IB I must exercise every day if I don't want to regain all the weight I lost (at age 20).
I observed after surgery which required complete bedrest and eating every 4 hours before taking meds that I could lose weight with no exercise. My ratioinal belief became: My body will require less food if I exercise less. So I can maintain my ideal weight by eating according to my body's hunger/fullness cues.
IB I must avoid snacking between meals, because snacks always turn into binges.
That belief is similar to "I must avoid between meal snacks, because I will 'spoil my appetite for the next meal." I suspect guilt about 'ruining my appetite' influences my decision to keep snacking to distract myself from guilt. HOWEVER, When I obey my hunger/satisfaction cues, I can easily eat just enough of a snack to satisfy hunger for the moment and still feel hungry again for a planned meal.
IB If I eat too much while snacking, I might just as well binge to get rid of any tempting foods so I won't snack again.
If I feel too full after a snack, I can either delay the next meal until I feel physically hungry or eat much less at the next meal so that I don't feel stuffed.
IB Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
Every bite is another decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away and let my body digest the food. I don't have to binge or purge to 'undo' overeating, because my body will digest even excess food eventually.
That's enough for now. In my next post I'll list my irrational beliefs about stopping when I feel physically full or satisfied and bingeing and my new 'replacement' logical beliefs.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 1
As I reviewed my 'binge' history on my calendar, I saw months when my total episodes decreased or increased. During the year my total episodes decreased by more than 50%I learned to trust my body to tell me when and how much to eat. During a later year I realized that my body had also told me WHAT to eat with painful symptoms. A few years later I learned to resist binges by acknowledging and coping with negative feelings. Later I realized I put myself into situations or volunteered for roles which triggered long unresolved childhood beliefs.
I now recognize that each time I decreased my binge frequency, I confronted and changed my basic beliefs about myself (including my body), life and relationships. So I will list in this post the irrational beliefs (many are food or eating beliefs)which influenced my binge/purge habits. In order to change those habits, I acknowledged, challenged and changed those beliefs. In a later post, I will also list the more rational beliefs (RB) which replaced my irrational beliefs. Here are irrational beliefs which influenced my binge/purge habits for many years:
I must avoid eating certain foods in order to lose weight and/or maintain my ideal weight. (A related, but nonfood belief follows:)
I must exercise every day if I don't want to regain all the weight I lost (at age 20).
Eating certain foods will make me binge.
I must avoid snacking between meals, because snacks always turn into binges.
If I eat too much while snacking, I might just as well binge to get rid of any tempting foods so I won't snack again.
Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
I can't keep my 'binge foods' in the house, because I will always overeat or binge eat them.
Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
I must eat low calorie foods to compensate for regular binges during which I eat waaay too many calories.
I binge, because I am bulimic.(I replaced that with the next belief.)
I binge because I have food allergies (which I believed until I started bingeing on my 'safe' or nonallergenic foods).
Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
AFTER I LEARNED TO EAT ONLY WHEN I WAS PHYSICALLY HUNGRY AND STOP EATING WHEN I FELT SATISFIED, THE FOLLOWING BELIEFS MADE ME RESIST STOPPING WHEN I FELT 'SATISFIED':
If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.
If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge. (The next belief is similar:)
If I snack between meals, I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.
If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.
AFTER I LEARNED THAT I BINGED TO COPE WITH PAINFUL EMOTIONS, I BELIEVED:
I can't control how I react to events of my life--stress happens.
I can't control when I binge, because I can't control what will happen to me.
I can resist bingeing if I only experience a couple of stressful situations, but I will always binge when I feel overwhelmed by physical pain and emotional stress.
I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN A FEW OF MY IRRATIONAL BELIEFS, BUT WILL ADD THEM AS I REMEMBER.
My next post will list the corresponding 'rational' or logical beliefs with which I replaced the irrational beliefs listed in this post.
I now recognize that each time I decreased my binge frequency, I confronted and changed my basic beliefs about myself (including my body), life and relationships. So I will list in this post the irrational beliefs (many are food or eating beliefs)which influenced my binge/purge habits. In order to change those habits, I acknowledged, challenged and changed those beliefs. In a later post, I will also list the more rational beliefs (RB) which replaced my irrational beliefs. Here are irrational beliefs which influenced my binge/purge habits for many years:
I must avoid eating certain foods in order to lose weight and/or maintain my ideal weight. (A related, but nonfood belief follows:)
I must exercise every day if I don't want to regain all the weight I lost (at age 20).
Eating certain foods will make me binge.
I must avoid snacking between meals, because snacks always turn into binges.
If I eat too much while snacking, I might just as well binge to get rid of any tempting foods so I won't snack again.
Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
I can't keep my 'binge foods' in the house, because I will always overeat or binge eat them.
Once I start overeating, I might just as well binge (the 'oh what the heck' response) and get it over with.
I must eat low calorie foods to compensate for regular binges during which I eat waaay too many calories.
I binge, because I am bulimic.(I replaced that with the next belief.)
I binge because I have food allergies (which I believed until I started bingeing on my 'safe' or nonallergenic foods).
Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.
Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.
If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.
Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.
Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.
Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.
AFTER I LEARNED TO EAT ONLY WHEN I WAS PHYSICALLY HUNGRY AND STOP EATING WHEN I FELT SATISFIED, THE FOLLOWING BELIEFS MADE ME RESIST STOPPING WHEN I FELT 'SATISFIED':
If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.
If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge. (The next belief is similar:)
If I snack between meals, I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.
If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.
AFTER I LEARNED THAT I BINGED TO COPE WITH PAINFUL EMOTIONS, I BELIEVED:
I can't control how I react to events of my life--stress happens.
I can't control when I binge, because I can't control what will happen to me.
I can resist bingeing if I only experience a couple of stressful situations, but I will always binge when I feel overwhelmed by physical pain and emotional stress.
I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN A FEW OF MY IRRATIONAL BELIEFS, BUT WILL ADD THEM AS I REMEMBER.
My next post will list the corresponding 'rational' or logical beliefs with which I replaced the irrational beliefs listed in this post.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Binge/Purge History
During the past 10 years I tracked on my calendar each day I had a binge/purge episode. Over the years those episodes had decreased to once a day. So each day usually represents only one episode. Besides tracking yearly total days, I also tracked long abstinence periods between episodes. The longest abstinence period (24 weeks or almost 6 months) ironically occured during the year I had the most b/p episodes.
I also noticed that my total yearly binge/purge (b/p) days decreased by over half during 2002, when I learned to eat only when I was physiologically hungry and stop eating when I was satisfied or comfortably full. Although each subsequent year's total decreased, the lowest yearly total occurred 2 years after my diagnoses of celiac disease and several food allergies as well as treatment for bacterial dysbiosis (bad bacteria which caused cramping pains and bloating in my gut). So I may have used b/p to cope with physiological symptoms (of nausea, bloating and cramping) from undiagnosed CD, food allergies, indigestion and intestinal problems.
Unfortunately the yearly totals increased a little during 2007, possibly because I continued to battle another intestinal bacteria, then a fungus and a parasite. The treatment side effects for those 'critters' caused as much discomfort (bloating and nausea) as the 'bugs' themselves. So I suspect I again used my binge/purge habit to distract myself from the discomfort from treatment as well as general hopelessness about recovery from symptoms. Perhaps the 2008 total was less than 2007, because I learned to cope with negative emotions without using my b/p habit.
So far this year (2009) I have binged 3 times in 4 months. Continuing at that rate will make this year's total the lowest yet. However, there's much more to my 'history' than the numbers would suggest. Nevertheless, reviewing my b/p history and recalling what influenced decreased yearly totals during recent years gives me even greater hope that I have now learned to cope with life without using my b/p habit. I'll describe in a new post the beliefs I confronted and changed during that learning process.
I also noticed that my total yearly binge/purge (b/p) days decreased by over half during 2002, when I learned to eat only when I was physiologically hungry and stop eating when I was satisfied or comfortably full. Although each subsequent year's total decreased, the lowest yearly total occurred 2 years after my diagnoses of celiac disease and several food allergies as well as treatment for bacterial dysbiosis (bad bacteria which caused cramping pains and bloating in my gut). So I may have used b/p to cope with physiological symptoms (of nausea, bloating and cramping) from undiagnosed CD, food allergies, indigestion and intestinal problems.
Unfortunately the yearly totals increased a little during 2007, possibly because I continued to battle another intestinal bacteria, then a fungus and a parasite. The treatment side effects for those 'critters' caused as much discomfort (bloating and nausea) as the 'bugs' themselves. So I suspect I again used my binge/purge habit to distract myself from the discomfort from treatment as well as general hopelessness about recovery from symptoms. Perhaps the 2008 total was less than 2007, because I learned to cope with negative emotions without using my b/p habit.
So far this year (2009) I have binged 3 times in 4 months. Continuing at that rate will make this year's total the lowest yet. However, there's much more to my 'history' than the numbers would suggest. Nevertheless, reviewing my b/p history and recalling what influenced decreased yearly totals during recent years gives me even greater hope that I have now learned to cope with life without using my b/p habit. I'll describe in a new post the beliefs I confronted and changed during that learning process.
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