Many years ago I saw in the restroom of a gallery, where I sold my paintings, the following list of "Rules for Being Human". Perhaps you also read those rules somewhere in the past. Nevertheless, those rules inspired me so much that I want to share with anyone who reads this.
RULES FOR BEING HUMAN (author unknown)
(1) You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life.
(2) You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life. Each day you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you THINK you need.
(3) There are no mistakes -- only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success.
(4) A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and behavior), then you can go on to the next lesson.
(5) Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage of life that does not contain some lesssons. As long as you live, there will be something more to learn.
(6) "There" is no better than "here". When your "there" has become a "here", you will obtain another "there" that will again look better than your "here". Don't be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have.
(7) Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.
(8) What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. Remember that through desire, goal-setting and unflagging effort, you can have anything you want. Persistence is the key to success.
(9) The answers lie within you. The solutions to all of life's problems lie within your grasp. All you need to do is ask, look, listen and trust.
(10) You will forget all this. Unless you consistently stay focused on the goals you have set for yourself, everything you've just read won't mean a thing.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
One Week Later
Surprise, surprise ... I actually like my hair now. What changed my perspective? 1/8" of additional length on the too short sides and back edges, finding lots of cute hats from previous 'too short' cut experiences, 6 days of styling my hair my way, 6 days of getting 'used' to seeing myself in shorter hair, and above all a few warmer weather days, which make short hair seem appropriate, rather than silly. I also realized that in my facebook photo (of me in Maui) I have the same style and almost the same length.
In one week I went from wanting to hide from everyone to wanting to wear chic spring outfits with my flattering short hair cut. So maybe the weather most influenced my change of heart. Nevertheless I still bought another cute hat during today's shopping trip. I needed a red cap to match my red scarf, which goes with my red/black/blue plaid bomber jacket and black short trench coat. I love red and black together, especially with red next to my face to prevent the black garment from draining all the color from my face. Instead of draining my color, red makes me look healthy and alive.
I also bought another pair of large hoop earrings (orange). I used to believe short hair cuts needed short earrings ... until I tried a pair of thin, long hoops. I now wear lightweight, long earrings (esp. hoops) almost constantly. Maybe they balance my long neck and long ears, which short haircuts seem to emphasize, at least until the hair in front of my ears and on the back of my neck grow longer. Hmmm ... maybe my hair really hasn't grown out enough to suit my preference. Maybe I just learned how to accessorize to improve the overall appearance of my cut. Whatever ... I like my haircut (style?) now. I guess I'll keep my stylist, but I STILL plan to mark on my face and neck in lipstick how long I want the sides and back before I let her cut my hair again.
In one week I went from wanting to hide from everyone to wanting to wear chic spring outfits with my flattering short hair cut. So maybe the weather most influenced my change of heart. Nevertheless I still bought another cute hat during today's shopping trip. I needed a red cap to match my red scarf, which goes with my red/black/blue plaid bomber jacket and black short trench coat. I love red and black together, especially with red next to my face to prevent the black garment from draining all the color from my face. Instead of draining my color, red makes me look healthy and alive.
I also bought another pair of large hoop earrings (orange). I used to believe short hair cuts needed short earrings ... until I tried a pair of thin, long hoops. I now wear lightweight, long earrings (esp. hoops) almost constantly. Maybe they balance my long neck and long ears, which short haircuts seem to emphasize, at least until the hair in front of my ears and on the back of my neck grow longer. Hmmm ... maybe my hair really hasn't grown out enough to suit my preference. Maybe I just learned how to accessorize to improve the overall appearance of my cut. Whatever ... I like my haircut (style?) now. I guess I'll keep my stylist, but I STILL plan to mark on my face and neck in lipstick how long I want the sides and back before I let her cut my hair again.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Bad Hair Month?
I wear my thick hair in a short pixie cut. So I need a trim every 6-12 weeks, depending on how my stylist did the previous trim, the weather (longer hair in colder weather), and how much time I want to spend styling my hair every morning. Yesterday was 10 weeks after my previous cut, which I considered 'perfect', with longer sides and back, but shorter top and bangs. I actually dreaded getting a trim, because the weather will turn colder this weekend. Yet I wanted a trim before Easter. So I kept my appointment (after rescheduling my previous week's appointment) and succumbed to my stylist's scissors.
She warned me that I may be shocked by the change, after I requested at least an inch off the top. Unfortunately I didn't specify the EXACT length of the hair in front of my ears or on my neck in back. My ears are long, not little delicate ears which look great with pixie cuts. So I need longer hair in front of my ears to balance my ear length. I also have a long neck, so I need longer hair on my neck to balance that length. So when I saw the 'finished' cut I WAS shocked. I didn't understand why the cut looked so 'masculine' (translate SHORT) until I looked at it again in a grocery store restroom. To my horror I saw that my stylist created the OPPOSITE of what I wanted: LONG on top and very short on the sides and back.
I can't ask my stylist to 'fix' the sides and back (she can't stretch short hair), although I could ask her to trim the top shorter to match the shorter parts. However, before the cut I asked her to not thin the top or cut it too short, because I still anticipated cold weather and needed thicker hair for warmth. I must have assumed that she would not cut the back and sides so short. SILLY ME! I now know that I need to tell my stylist (or mark on my face and neck) the EXACT length I want the sides and back of my hair, because my vision of my hair won't necessarily match my stylist's vision.
The extremely short sides and back appear at least 1/2 inch shorter than I prefer. Since my hair grows about 1/2 inch per month, I will have to endure this style for at least a month. The short sides and thick top make my face look very round, rather than its true oval shape. Very short hair can also make me look more masculine than feminine. I HATE THIS CUT!!!! However, I take full responsibility for what I told and what I failed to tell my stylist. So I'll just have to live with this cut as it grows out. I may wait 3 months until the next cut, because I won't like this cut for at least a month.
Fortunately with Seattle's cool spring, I can wear hats everytime I go out. Unfortunately almost NOBODY wears hats to our church service, even Easter services. So my choice to get a hair trim to look better on Easter totally backfired. I think I look much WORSE than I looked with my longer shaggier style. I'll just have to smile and confidently wear this too short pixie tomorrow. Easter is a good day to focus on other people and forget about my appearance for awhile.
She warned me that I may be shocked by the change, after I requested at least an inch off the top. Unfortunately I didn't specify the EXACT length of the hair in front of my ears or on my neck in back. My ears are long, not little delicate ears which look great with pixie cuts. So I need longer hair in front of my ears to balance my ear length. I also have a long neck, so I need longer hair on my neck to balance that length. So when I saw the 'finished' cut I WAS shocked. I didn't understand why the cut looked so 'masculine' (translate SHORT) until I looked at it again in a grocery store restroom. To my horror I saw that my stylist created the OPPOSITE of what I wanted: LONG on top and very short on the sides and back.
I can't ask my stylist to 'fix' the sides and back (she can't stretch short hair), although I could ask her to trim the top shorter to match the shorter parts. However, before the cut I asked her to not thin the top or cut it too short, because I still anticipated cold weather and needed thicker hair for warmth. I must have assumed that she would not cut the back and sides so short. SILLY ME! I now know that I need to tell my stylist (or mark on my face and neck) the EXACT length I want the sides and back of my hair, because my vision of my hair won't necessarily match my stylist's vision.
The extremely short sides and back appear at least 1/2 inch shorter than I prefer. Since my hair grows about 1/2 inch per month, I will have to endure this style for at least a month. The short sides and thick top make my face look very round, rather than its true oval shape. Very short hair can also make me look more masculine than feminine. I HATE THIS CUT!!!! However, I take full responsibility for what I told and what I failed to tell my stylist. So I'll just have to live with this cut as it grows out. I may wait 3 months until the next cut, because I won't like this cut for at least a month.
Fortunately with Seattle's cool spring, I can wear hats everytime I go out. Unfortunately almost NOBODY wears hats to our church service, even Easter services. So my choice to get a hair trim to look better on Easter totally backfired. I think I look much WORSE than I looked with my longer shaggier style. I'll just have to smile and confidently wear this too short pixie tomorrow. Easter is a good day to focus on other people and forget about my appearance for awhile.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Beliefs, Habits, Pleasure or Avoidance?
My post about "Leave Food, Feel Deprived?" on the Food & Feelings board started a lengthy discussion thread. So Karen Koenig (moderator of the board and author of "The Rules of Normal Eating") suggested the following:
"There are a variety reasons you may have difficulty stopping eating when you're full or satisfied. One is deprivation beliefs and you can counter them by writing them out and reframing them, then saying them three times a day aloud in front of a mirror until your mindset and behaviors change. It's a good idea to continue reminding yourself of these reframed beliefs occasionally, lest old thinking creep back in. Another reason you may not want to stop eating is plain old habit and how your neural pathways are programmed, especially if you're not paying attention. A third reason is that food tastes delicious and is a sensory pleasure. Remember, some foods actually trigger dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter) in the brain. A fourth reason is that you are uncomfortable with an emotion that arises or returns while you're eating and don't want to feel it."
I totally relate to all those 'reasons'. I eat beyond 'full' because (1) I fear feeling deprived; (2) I mindlessly lapse into old habits; (3) I enjoy tasting delicious food (and don't look forward to other pleasures?); and (4)I want to avoid or procrastinate experiencing a feeling. After stopping at 'just enough' for 7 meals, I ate beyond full at 2 meals today. Here are my reasons for eating past full at those 2 meals:
(1) Fear of Deprivation and (2) Mindless Habits: During dinner tonight my husband and I excitedly shared how we spent our separate days. I described my gardening project. He talked referring a coworker with food allergy symptoms to our naturopath to get an ELISA allergy test. I didn't savor every bite. I often swallowed after barely chewing the food so I could keep talking. I ate rather mindlessly. However, when I noticed my husband had finished his meal, I still had at least 3 more bites on my plate. I was NOT still hungry. I had probably reached my 'just enough' point. However I did NOT want to stop eating just because he was finished. I lapsed back into thinking "I deserve what I put on my plate" and "Just because he ate too fast doesn't mean I have to stop eating now". (He was looking at me, because he no longer had to look at his food.) I felt pressure to stop eating, but rebelliously continued to eat in order to avoid feeling 'deprived' of food which "I deserved to eat".
I suspect those 2 'reasons' often occur together, because when I don't focus on the food, I can reach physical fullness without feeling emotionally satisfied by the food. I feel as though someone else stuffed the food directly into my stomach without giving me a chance to taste, chew and enjoy the food. Unfortunately that 'someone' was ME. When I'm distracted by tv, reading or even conversation, I can feel deprived of enjoying the food, when I realize I'm full. So I want to at least 'taste' what's left on my plate, after I stop and notice I'm full. However, those last few bites won't taste as good as they would taste when I am hungry. So continuing to eat won't prevent deprivation of eating enjoyment. The moment has already passed. I already reached the point of no return with taste enjoyment of anything except extremely sweet foods (like desserts).
Next time I try to eat AND talk during a meal, I will ask questions before I take a bite, then enjoy that bite and not share my opinion until I've enjoyed at least a few bites of food. If my husband asks me a question, I'll just point to my full mouth and wave him away. After I swallow, I'll tell him I don't want to miss the taste of the food and want to just eat now. However I will continue the conversation after the meal.
(3) Sensual Pleasure from Food and (4) Avoiding Unpleasant Feelings could also occur together. If I plan an unpleasant or even challenging activity AFTER the meal, I may want to continue enjoying the food, to avoid experiencing whatever I feel when I do the unpleasant activity. That combination of reasons explains why I ate past 'just enough' at lunch today. I planned to walk to the mall to shop after lunch. Normally I enjoy shopping. However I was tired after a morning of gardening. Also I was not looking forward to colder weather this afternoon. I actually ate just enough for lunch. Yet after lunch I noticed an open jar of a new brand of peanut butter and decided I wanted just a taste 'for dessert' or whatever rationalization I used to eat several fingerfuls of peanut butter after I consumed a satisfying lunch. Because my tastebuds were rather desensitized by my 'fullness', the peanut butter did not taste that great. Nevertheless, I procrastinated going for my walk for a few minutes.
Ironically, the brisk weather energized me once I began my walk. Initilly I felt guilty about overeating after a satisfying lunch. Then I felt 'bored' as I tried to avoid my 'guilty' feelings. However, like most walks when I feel tired, I felt more energetic after I began the walk. Although I usually choose to walk in the morning, when I'm more energetic, I can also remind myself, when I feel tired, that I feel more energetic after I start the walk.
As for choosing to overeat to prolong the sensory pleasure of eating, I need only remember that food doesn't taste as good when I'm no longer hungry. 'Desserts' are purposely intensely sweet foods, because people can only taste intense flavors after they eat enough to satisfy hunger. Most people eat sweets and/or desserts after they have finished a satisfying meal. Since I have been stopping at 'just enough' I no longer desire a dessert. Ironically I used to want to keep eating when I felt full. Now I realize more food is just going to make me more uncomfortable. So I now stop either at 'just enough' or the first sign of 'discomfort'.
My 2 recent lapses into eating beyond full remind me that I need to commit before starting a meal that I will focus on my stomach cues as well as the tastes of the food. Then I can slowly observe my 'hunger' turning to 'not hungry' to 'just enough' to 'satisfied' to 'comfortably full'. So I can stop BEFORE obviously or painfully full.
"There are a variety reasons you may have difficulty stopping eating when you're full or satisfied. One is deprivation beliefs and you can counter them by writing them out and reframing them, then saying them three times a day aloud in front of a mirror until your mindset and behaviors change. It's a good idea to continue reminding yourself of these reframed beliefs occasionally, lest old thinking creep back in. Another reason you may not want to stop eating is plain old habit and how your neural pathways are programmed, especially if you're not paying attention. A third reason is that food tastes delicious and is a sensory pleasure. Remember, some foods actually trigger dopamine (the feel good neurotransmitter) in the brain. A fourth reason is that you are uncomfortable with an emotion that arises or returns while you're eating and don't want to feel it."
I totally relate to all those 'reasons'. I eat beyond 'full' because (1) I fear feeling deprived; (2) I mindlessly lapse into old habits; (3) I enjoy tasting delicious food (and don't look forward to other pleasures?); and (4)I want to avoid or procrastinate experiencing a feeling. After stopping at 'just enough' for 7 meals, I ate beyond full at 2 meals today. Here are my reasons for eating past full at those 2 meals:
(1) Fear of Deprivation and (2) Mindless Habits: During dinner tonight my husband and I excitedly shared how we spent our separate days. I described my gardening project. He talked referring a coworker with food allergy symptoms to our naturopath to get an ELISA allergy test. I didn't savor every bite. I often swallowed after barely chewing the food so I could keep talking. I ate rather mindlessly. However, when I noticed my husband had finished his meal, I still had at least 3 more bites on my plate. I was NOT still hungry. I had probably reached my 'just enough' point. However I did NOT want to stop eating just because he was finished. I lapsed back into thinking "I deserve what I put on my plate" and "Just because he ate too fast doesn't mean I have to stop eating now". (He was looking at me, because he no longer had to look at his food.) I felt pressure to stop eating, but rebelliously continued to eat in order to avoid feeling 'deprived' of food which "I deserved to eat".
I suspect those 2 'reasons' often occur together, because when I don't focus on the food, I can reach physical fullness without feeling emotionally satisfied by the food. I feel as though someone else stuffed the food directly into my stomach without giving me a chance to taste, chew and enjoy the food. Unfortunately that 'someone' was ME. When I'm distracted by tv, reading or even conversation, I can feel deprived of enjoying the food, when I realize I'm full. So I want to at least 'taste' what's left on my plate, after I stop and notice I'm full. However, those last few bites won't taste as good as they would taste when I am hungry. So continuing to eat won't prevent deprivation of eating enjoyment. The moment has already passed. I already reached the point of no return with taste enjoyment of anything except extremely sweet foods (like desserts).
Next time I try to eat AND talk during a meal, I will ask questions before I take a bite, then enjoy that bite and not share my opinion until I've enjoyed at least a few bites of food. If my husband asks me a question, I'll just point to my full mouth and wave him away. After I swallow, I'll tell him I don't want to miss the taste of the food and want to just eat now. However I will continue the conversation after the meal.
(3) Sensual Pleasure from Food and (4) Avoiding Unpleasant Feelings could also occur together. If I plan an unpleasant or even challenging activity AFTER the meal, I may want to continue enjoying the food, to avoid experiencing whatever I feel when I do the unpleasant activity. That combination of reasons explains why I ate past 'just enough' at lunch today. I planned to walk to the mall to shop after lunch. Normally I enjoy shopping. However I was tired after a morning of gardening. Also I was not looking forward to colder weather this afternoon. I actually ate just enough for lunch. Yet after lunch I noticed an open jar of a new brand of peanut butter and decided I wanted just a taste 'for dessert' or whatever rationalization I used to eat several fingerfuls of peanut butter after I consumed a satisfying lunch. Because my tastebuds were rather desensitized by my 'fullness', the peanut butter did not taste that great. Nevertheless, I procrastinated going for my walk for a few minutes.
Ironically, the brisk weather energized me once I began my walk. Initilly I felt guilty about overeating after a satisfying lunch. Then I felt 'bored' as I tried to avoid my 'guilty' feelings. However, like most walks when I feel tired, I felt more energetic after I began the walk. Although I usually choose to walk in the morning, when I'm more energetic, I can also remind myself, when I feel tired, that I feel more energetic after I start the walk.
As for choosing to overeat to prolong the sensory pleasure of eating, I need only remember that food doesn't taste as good when I'm no longer hungry. 'Desserts' are purposely intensely sweet foods, because people can only taste intense flavors after they eat enough to satisfy hunger. Most people eat sweets and/or desserts after they have finished a satisfying meal. Since I have been stopping at 'just enough' I no longer desire a dessert. Ironically I used to want to keep eating when I felt full. Now I realize more food is just going to make me more uncomfortable. So I now stop either at 'just enough' or the first sign of 'discomfort'.
My 2 recent lapses into eating beyond full remind me that I need to commit before starting a meal that I will focus on my stomach cues as well as the tastes of the food. Then I can slowly observe my 'hunger' turning to 'not hungry' to 'just enough' to 'satisfied' to 'comfortably full'. So I can stop BEFORE obviously or painfully full.
My Former 'Stuffed' Norm
I recently asked members of the Food & Feelings board: "Do any of you have difficulty stopping when you feel satisfied or comfortably full? Do you feel or fear feeling 'deprived' when you consider ending your meal with food still on your plate? How do you cope with those feelings in order to put away or throw away those extra, but unnecessary, bites?" Although several people responded to my questions, only one person told me something that helped me understand why I have difficulty with stopping at satisfaction. That person said: "Sometimes the deprivation comes when I "miss" the stuffed feeling...like when I know I really have eaten enough but I do not feel like I have even started yet."
Her comment made me realize that 'stuffed' or bloated became my 'norm' during all the years I suffered from undiagnosed CD, food allergies and impaired digestion. For many years I stopped eating when I felt uncomfortably full, because I had impaired digestion. Even after diagnoses and elimination of allergy foods, treatment for intestinal bacteria, candida and a parastie and eliminating those allergen foods, I had to take betaine hydrochloride to digest normally. Now my digestion is greatly improved, but part of me still expects to feel uncomfortable after a meal. By overeating I'm creating the familiar 'stuffed' uncomfortable feeling, which I previously recognized as my cue to stop eating.
Committing to leave, throw out or put away food at each meal helped me reconnect to my 'enough' cues. During the past 7 meals I left food and left the table feeling comfortable, not full, not hungry. After about 30 minutes of digestion I felt more 'full' and satisfied. As I mentioned in my last post, eating slowly, focussing on the food and my body cues and putting my eating utensil or the food down between bites all slowed my eating enough to recognize the point of no return when food didn't taste as good. Rather than continue to look for more satisfaction from 'tasty' morsels, I now use that diminished taste as another cue to stop eating. So now I can consistently leave the table feeling comfortable, rather than 'stuffed'.
Her comment made me realize that 'stuffed' or bloated became my 'norm' during all the years I suffered from undiagnosed CD, food allergies and impaired digestion. For many years I stopped eating when I felt uncomfortably full, because I had impaired digestion. Even after diagnoses and elimination of allergy foods, treatment for intestinal bacteria, candida and a parastie and eliminating those allergen foods, I had to take betaine hydrochloride to digest normally. Now my digestion is greatly improved, but part of me still expects to feel uncomfortable after a meal. By overeating I'm creating the familiar 'stuffed' uncomfortable feeling, which I previously recognized as my cue to stop eating.
Committing to leave, throw out or put away food at each meal helped me reconnect to my 'enough' cues. During the past 7 meals I left food and left the table feeling comfortable, not full, not hungry. After about 30 minutes of digestion I felt more 'full' and satisfied. As I mentioned in my last post, eating slowly, focussing on the food and my body cues and putting my eating utensil or the food down between bites all slowed my eating enough to recognize the point of no return when food didn't taste as good. Rather than continue to look for more satisfaction from 'tasty' morsels, I now use that diminished taste as another cue to stop eating. So now I can consistently leave the table feeling comfortable, rather than 'stuffed'.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Leave Food, Feel Deprived?
When I sense I've eaten enough and I contemplate ending my meal, while food remains on my plate, I often fear feeling deprived. I try to avoid those fears of deprivation by serving myself an amount that usually satisfies my physical hunger and makes me comfortably full. However, I sometimes feel comfortably full before I finish that portion. In order to stop eating at 'just enough', I tried to follow what Susie Orbach said in "On Eating":
"If you savor every mouthful, you won't feel cheated. The sense of fullness won't come too soon and you will be ready to stop eating ... Your body will send you a message that it is satisfied ... If you don't concentrate while you eat, your body may be telling you it's full but you may still be wanting more taste sensations in your mouth. You will be tempted to override the feeling of fullness because you have missed part of the enjoyment of the food. You can't affort to do that if you are trying to get your hunger and satisfaction signals to work accurately."
I tried eating slowly without distractions to thoroughly enjoy every bite, so that I wouldn't feel 'cheated' by getting full before I derive as much emotional satisfaction as possible from the meal. However, thoroughly enjoying every bite made me sometimes want to keep enjoying food until I received obvious signals from my stomach that I was uncomfortably full. I obviously 'overrode the feeling of fullness' even when I enjoyed every bite so that I could eat all the food I believed "I deserved" to eat. So I may have some 'entitlement' beliefs which motivate me to keep eating past 'just enough'. Because I try to serve myself the exact amount which will satisfy my hunger, I may believe I 'deserve' to eat what I serve myself.
I also don't want to stop at 'just enough' because I fear getting hungry before the next meal. Actually I fear low blood sugar signals (shakiness, light headedness, weakness, intense headaches, desperation and irritability) more than I fear feeling 'hungry'. Before I learned what foods gave me staying power and how to respond to moderate hunger before it became intense hunger, I often experienced those scarey low blood sugar symptoms. However, I rarely experience those symptoms now that I carefully choose foods with staying power and stop to prepare a meal when I feel comfortably hungry.
Nevertheless, I want to explore those fears of deprivation (when/if I stopped eating with food on my plate). So I considered what Susie Orbach wrote in "Fat is a Feminist Issue II":
"Try and sort out whether you ... would feel too deprived ... if you left (food still on your plate) ... If you imagine you would feel deprived, are you sure that in fact you would? If you've enjoyed the food, you could choose to have the same again another time. What exactly would you be missing out on if you didn't finish the food? What are you frightened of not getting? Perhaps you could get what you really want from the situation or the other people without having to stuff down all the food."
"Observe other people's eating habits. Look around you in cafes and restaurants and you will see how routinely people leave food on their plates. Nothing terrible happens to them. They survive till the next time they eat (and they do eat again!), and nobody else is really bothered one way or the other if there are leftovers."
I really can eat foods I enjoy at future meals. When I know I'll have the same breakfast the next morning, I don't need to overeat. I'm only 'frightened' of feeling deprived, like I felt as a small child, when I was restricted arbitrarily of eating foods my mother believed would make me 'fat'. I thought her restriction was unfair. So I still want to rebel against any restriction of what or how much I eat. I accept food allergy restrictions, because I know eating allergens causes painful reactions. However, I consider those few extra bites beyond 'just enough' as 'harmless'. After all I'm not overweight. What's the big deal?
I know the benefits of eating past 'comfortably full'. I recently posted about what I would miss if I stopped when I felt full. I avoid fears of future hunger, deprivation, wasting food, etc. (See "If I Never Ate Past Full" for that long list.) So I now want to consider the benefits of stopping at 'just enough', rather than eat until I'm obviously full. What do I 'deprive' myself of, when I eat those last few bites, after I'm already comfortably full?
(1) For me, 'obviously full' often is painfully full, for several hours after the meal. So I deprive myself of feeling comfortable after a meal.
(2) I need to take HCl to digest proteins and fats. If I overeat, I can easily reflux strong acid. So overeating causes reflux which deprives me of comfortfor several hours after a meal.
(3) I can't always predict how much food I need to feel satisfied by serving myself the amount which satisfied me yesterday. I certainly can't control restaurant serving sizes. I would like to learn to trust my 'just enough' sensations, rather than discount those sensations as irrelevant or impaired digestion (and therefore false alarms). So eating past 'full' deprives me of learning to trust that I will respond to 'satisfaction' stomach cues.
(4) In restaurants I assume I will take home some of my entree, because I have observed that most restaurant meals provide more food than I need to feel satisfied. I would like to leave my table at home feeling as comfortable as I do when I eat at restaurants. So overeating at home deprives me of self-confidence that I, not the portion size, control what I eat.
(5) I have not abstained from bingeing for longer than 3-5 months in the past few years. I suspect learning to consistently stop when I feel satisfied will help me completely eliminate binges, when I totally ignore 'full' sensations. Overeating deprives me of learning to obey 'full' cues and stop eating, instead of think "oh what the heck, I might as well binge."
Today I posted on the 'Food & Feelings' board a request for suggestions about my 'leave food, feel deprived' dilemma. I received several helpful suggestions. Meanwhile today I committed to leave at least small amounts of food at each meal. So far I threw away 2-3 spoonfuls of cereal and fruit at breakfast and 2 bites of bread crust at lunch, when I also put away slices of apple for another meal. I immediately noticed how comfortable I felt after the meal, which motivated me to continue my 'leave food' experiment indefinitely.
I suspect the following helped me stop when I felt satisfied:
(1) I ate the entire meal slowly without distractions;
(2) I planned an enjoyable post meal activity;
(3) I reminded myself how much better I would feel if I stop at 'just enough'.
"If you savor every mouthful, you won't feel cheated. The sense of fullness won't come too soon and you will be ready to stop eating ... Your body will send you a message that it is satisfied ... If you don't concentrate while you eat, your body may be telling you it's full but you may still be wanting more taste sensations in your mouth. You will be tempted to override the feeling of fullness because you have missed part of the enjoyment of the food. You can't affort to do that if you are trying to get your hunger and satisfaction signals to work accurately."
I tried eating slowly without distractions to thoroughly enjoy every bite, so that I wouldn't feel 'cheated' by getting full before I derive as much emotional satisfaction as possible from the meal. However, thoroughly enjoying every bite made me sometimes want to keep enjoying food until I received obvious signals from my stomach that I was uncomfortably full. I obviously 'overrode the feeling of fullness' even when I enjoyed every bite so that I could eat all the food I believed "I deserved" to eat. So I may have some 'entitlement' beliefs which motivate me to keep eating past 'just enough'. Because I try to serve myself the exact amount which will satisfy my hunger, I may believe I 'deserve' to eat what I serve myself.
I also don't want to stop at 'just enough' because I fear getting hungry before the next meal. Actually I fear low blood sugar signals (shakiness, light headedness, weakness, intense headaches, desperation and irritability) more than I fear feeling 'hungry'. Before I learned what foods gave me staying power and how to respond to moderate hunger before it became intense hunger, I often experienced those scarey low blood sugar symptoms. However, I rarely experience those symptoms now that I carefully choose foods with staying power and stop to prepare a meal when I feel comfortably hungry.
Nevertheless, I want to explore those fears of deprivation (when/if I stopped eating with food on my plate). So I considered what Susie Orbach wrote in "Fat is a Feminist Issue II":
"Try and sort out whether you ... would feel too deprived ... if you left (food still on your plate) ... If you imagine you would feel deprived, are you sure that in fact you would? If you've enjoyed the food, you could choose to have the same again another time. What exactly would you be missing out on if you didn't finish the food? What are you frightened of not getting? Perhaps you could get what you really want from the situation or the other people without having to stuff down all the food."
"Observe other people's eating habits. Look around you in cafes and restaurants and you will see how routinely people leave food on their plates. Nothing terrible happens to them. They survive till the next time they eat (and they do eat again!), and nobody else is really bothered one way or the other if there are leftovers."
I really can eat foods I enjoy at future meals. When I know I'll have the same breakfast the next morning, I don't need to overeat. I'm only 'frightened' of feeling deprived, like I felt as a small child, when I was restricted arbitrarily of eating foods my mother believed would make me 'fat'. I thought her restriction was unfair. So I still want to rebel against any restriction of what or how much I eat. I accept food allergy restrictions, because I know eating allergens causes painful reactions. However, I consider those few extra bites beyond 'just enough' as 'harmless'. After all I'm not overweight. What's the big deal?
I know the benefits of eating past 'comfortably full'. I recently posted about what I would miss if I stopped when I felt full. I avoid fears of future hunger, deprivation, wasting food, etc. (See "If I Never Ate Past Full" for that long list.) So I now want to consider the benefits of stopping at 'just enough', rather than eat until I'm obviously full. What do I 'deprive' myself of, when I eat those last few bites, after I'm already comfortably full?
(1) For me, 'obviously full' often is painfully full, for several hours after the meal. So I deprive myself of feeling comfortable after a meal.
(2) I need to take HCl to digest proteins and fats. If I overeat, I can easily reflux strong acid. So overeating causes reflux which deprives me of comfortfor several hours after a meal.
(3) I can't always predict how much food I need to feel satisfied by serving myself the amount which satisfied me yesterday. I certainly can't control restaurant serving sizes. I would like to learn to trust my 'just enough' sensations, rather than discount those sensations as irrelevant or impaired digestion (and therefore false alarms). So eating past 'full' deprives me of learning to trust that I will respond to 'satisfaction' stomach cues.
(4) In restaurants I assume I will take home some of my entree, because I have observed that most restaurant meals provide more food than I need to feel satisfied. I would like to leave my table at home feeling as comfortable as I do when I eat at restaurants. So overeating at home deprives me of self-confidence that I, not the portion size, control what I eat.
(5) I have not abstained from bingeing for longer than 3-5 months in the past few years. I suspect learning to consistently stop when I feel satisfied will help me completely eliminate binges, when I totally ignore 'full' sensations. Overeating deprives me of learning to obey 'full' cues and stop eating, instead of think "oh what the heck, I might as well binge."
Today I posted on the 'Food & Feelings' board a request for suggestions about my 'leave food, feel deprived' dilemma. I received several helpful suggestions. Meanwhile today I committed to leave at least small amounts of food at each meal. So far I threw away 2-3 spoonfuls of cereal and fruit at breakfast and 2 bites of bread crust at lunch, when I also put away slices of apple for another meal. I immediately noticed how comfortable I felt after the meal, which motivated me to continue my 'leave food' experiment indefinitely.
I suspect the following helped me stop when I felt satisfied:
(1) I ate the entire meal slowly without distractions;
(2) I planned an enjoyable post meal activity;
(3) I reminded myself how much better I would feel if I stop at 'just enough'.
Friday, April 3, 2009
CRAVINGS: Experiences and Habits
My last post, about what I would miss if I never ate standing up, revealed that I often eat standing up after unsatisfying meals. So today I considered before lunch what foods would taste good and keep me unhungry for awhile. For breakfast I ate peanut butter with fruit on a muffin. The real question was "what will satisfy me as much and as long as my peanut butter breakfast?" I sometimes contemplate eating peanut butter at every meal, but I know I prefer more meal to meal variety. So I prepareed chicken salad (with celery, herbs, chicken and mayo) on an English muffin with a sliced apple for lunch. THAT meal satisfied me as much as my breakfast.
However, after lunch, I briefly craved 'something sweet'. I realized from doing my 'what would I miss ...?' exercise, that I continue eating in order to procrastinate post meal boredom. I need to anticipate a nonfood 'reward' activity after lunch, rather than continue to eat past fullness. So I planned to get the mail after, rather than before, lunch. Getting the mail distracted and then 'rewarded' me well enough to convince me that I didn't need a 'food' dessert. Instead I found an activity which would be easy and more interesting than eating past full. Fortunately I received 2 new magazines and 3 new catalogs in the mail. That was better than any 'food' dessert.
Then I started to consider whether my 'cravings' for foods came from actual experiences with eating physically satisfying foods or from habits of eating certain foods at certain times or both. For example, I know that my breakfast of peanut butter, fruit and a muffin tastes good, feels good in my stomach and keeps me 'unhungry' for at least 4 hours. I've experienced the benefits of that food combination many times. When I'm hungry, I often crave peanut butter, bread and fruit, either individually or together. Likewise I love the feeling of cooked vegies in my stomach, as much as I enjoy the tastes, textures and staying power of high fiber meals which include cooked vegies. When I don't feel well, I crave cooked vegies, because I know how easily I digest them. So I suspect my experiences with specific foods influence my cravings for those foods when I'm hungry.
However I often crave the taste of foods which don't feel good in my stomach or cause unpleasant side effects (like reflux or low blood sugar). For chocolate (especially high cacoa content) can taste good and even 'energize' me with its caffeine. However, I react with reflux almost immediately and caffeine withdrawal symptoms (headaches) the next day. I crave chocolate usually after lunch, because I used to eat a small piece of safe (no allergen ingredients) chocolate as my 'dessert' after lunch. Although I no longer consume caffeine (to avoid reflux and withdrawal headaches), I still occasionally consider eating chocolate after lunch or when I see my favorite chocolate bar in stores. Although I had bad side effects from chocolate, I developed a chocolate 'habit' which still influences occasional cravings.
Before I was diagnosed with allergies to gluten, dairy, soy, cane sugar, vanilla and nutmeg, I regularly ate and enjoyed many foods which contained those ingredients. (I never attributed physical reactions to allergies.) After I realized gluten (in wheat, barley and rye) caused painful reaction symptoms, I switched to gluten free breads, pastries and cereals. However, I could not find safe and satisfying substitutes for all my favorite dairy products. There are no satisfying and safe cheeses available, although I have recipes to make allergen free cheeses. Likewise, there are no satisfying substitutes for fresh egg dishes (like scrambled, fried, poached eggs) or egg white desserts (like meringue on pies and in cookies or divinity candy). I learned to make an allergen free maynonnaise which I love and crave. I learned to make a safe vegan ice cream before I found safe brands at local stores. However, I just stopped eating foods for which I couldn't find safe, satisfying substitute foods.
Before I found (or prepared) substitutes for my previous favorite allergen foods, I still thought about those allergen foods. However, my 'cravings' were modified by myy knowledge that those foods caused painful gastrointestinal reactions. So I felt 'deprived', but didn't crave those specific allergen foods. My experiences with eating those foods and suffering cramping gut pain changed my view of those foods. I completely stopped craving foods which I knew caused painful reactions.
After my allergy diagnoses, I began to explore other cuisines, especially Middle Eastern and Asian. Before my diagnoses 'rice' meant tasteless, dry white rice, which made me gag just thinking about that. While exploring other cuisines, I discovered a variety of brown and wild rices, as well as quinoa, amaranth and other gluten free grains. Before my diagnoses, I only considered potatoes or corn as a starchy part of a meal. Now I often make casseroles with rice or quinoa. I often prepare vegan meals wherein I combine grains with beans or nuts or seeds. Amazingly, I crave casseroles with rice and vegies, because my experiences have convinced me that combination is easy for me to digest and satisfies hunger for a long while.
Leonard Pearson in "the Psychologist's Eat Anything Diet" describes foods as 'hummers' or 'beckoners'. 'Hummers' call to us when we neither see, hear about or smell them. Cravings for 'hummers' come from within our bodies. Hummers satisfy physical needs and keep us satisfied for awhile. "Beckoners' are foods we seldom think about until we see, smell or hear about them. Beckoners often taste good, but don't satisfy hunger very long. I suspect my experiences with 'hummers' make me crave those foods when I'm hungry. However, my habits of consuming 'beckoners' make me crave those foods at habitual times, like after meals, when I want to procrastinate a task, when I see those in a grocery store, when I feel physically tired and want to consume a stimulant, etc.
So the next time I 'crave' a specific food, I will consider whether or not I'm hungry, whether I had satisfying experiences with that food or whether I habitually ate that food and liked the taste, but experienced uncomfortable reactions. Perhaps eating more hummers and less becknoners will help me stop eating when I'm comfortably full, and less often crave more food after I feel satisfied. Recognizing those nonhunger cravings are motivated by habit, rather than satisfying experiences, could also help me choose the hummers instead of beckoners.
(NOTE: I just procrastinated my regular after lunch walk until the weather turned sunny by writing this post, rather than snack.)
However, after lunch, I briefly craved 'something sweet'. I realized from doing my 'what would I miss ...?' exercise, that I continue eating in order to procrastinate post meal boredom. I need to anticipate a nonfood 'reward' activity after lunch, rather than continue to eat past fullness. So I planned to get the mail after, rather than before, lunch. Getting the mail distracted and then 'rewarded' me well enough to convince me that I didn't need a 'food' dessert. Instead I found an activity which would be easy and more interesting than eating past full. Fortunately I received 2 new magazines and 3 new catalogs in the mail. That was better than any 'food' dessert.
Then I started to consider whether my 'cravings' for foods came from actual experiences with eating physically satisfying foods or from habits of eating certain foods at certain times or both. For example, I know that my breakfast of peanut butter, fruit and a muffin tastes good, feels good in my stomach and keeps me 'unhungry' for at least 4 hours. I've experienced the benefits of that food combination many times. When I'm hungry, I often crave peanut butter, bread and fruit, either individually or together. Likewise I love the feeling of cooked vegies in my stomach, as much as I enjoy the tastes, textures and staying power of high fiber meals which include cooked vegies. When I don't feel well, I crave cooked vegies, because I know how easily I digest them. So I suspect my experiences with specific foods influence my cravings for those foods when I'm hungry.
However I often crave the taste of foods which don't feel good in my stomach or cause unpleasant side effects (like reflux or low blood sugar). For chocolate (especially high cacoa content) can taste good and even 'energize' me with its caffeine. However, I react with reflux almost immediately and caffeine withdrawal symptoms (headaches) the next day. I crave chocolate usually after lunch, because I used to eat a small piece of safe (no allergen ingredients) chocolate as my 'dessert' after lunch. Although I no longer consume caffeine (to avoid reflux and withdrawal headaches), I still occasionally consider eating chocolate after lunch or when I see my favorite chocolate bar in stores. Although I had bad side effects from chocolate, I developed a chocolate 'habit' which still influences occasional cravings.
Before I was diagnosed with allergies to gluten, dairy, soy, cane sugar, vanilla and nutmeg, I regularly ate and enjoyed many foods which contained those ingredients. (I never attributed physical reactions to allergies.) After I realized gluten (in wheat, barley and rye) caused painful reaction symptoms, I switched to gluten free breads, pastries and cereals. However, I could not find safe and satisfying substitutes for all my favorite dairy products. There are no satisfying and safe cheeses available, although I have recipes to make allergen free cheeses. Likewise, there are no satisfying substitutes for fresh egg dishes (like scrambled, fried, poached eggs) or egg white desserts (like meringue on pies and in cookies or divinity candy). I learned to make an allergen free maynonnaise which I love and crave. I learned to make a safe vegan ice cream before I found safe brands at local stores. However, I just stopped eating foods for which I couldn't find safe, satisfying substitute foods.
Before I found (or prepared) substitutes for my previous favorite allergen foods, I still thought about those allergen foods. However, my 'cravings' were modified by myy knowledge that those foods caused painful gastrointestinal reactions. So I felt 'deprived', but didn't crave those specific allergen foods. My experiences with eating those foods and suffering cramping gut pain changed my view of those foods. I completely stopped craving foods which I knew caused painful reactions.
After my allergy diagnoses, I began to explore other cuisines, especially Middle Eastern and Asian. Before my diagnoses 'rice' meant tasteless, dry white rice, which made me gag just thinking about that. While exploring other cuisines, I discovered a variety of brown and wild rices, as well as quinoa, amaranth and other gluten free grains. Before my diagnoses, I only considered potatoes or corn as a starchy part of a meal. Now I often make casseroles with rice or quinoa. I often prepare vegan meals wherein I combine grains with beans or nuts or seeds. Amazingly, I crave casseroles with rice and vegies, because my experiences have convinced me that combination is easy for me to digest and satisfies hunger for a long while.
Leonard Pearson in "the Psychologist's Eat Anything Diet" describes foods as 'hummers' or 'beckoners'. 'Hummers' call to us when we neither see, hear about or smell them. Cravings for 'hummers' come from within our bodies. Hummers satisfy physical needs and keep us satisfied for awhile. "Beckoners' are foods we seldom think about until we see, smell or hear about them. Beckoners often taste good, but don't satisfy hunger very long. I suspect my experiences with 'hummers' make me crave those foods when I'm hungry. However, my habits of consuming 'beckoners' make me crave those foods at habitual times, like after meals, when I want to procrastinate a task, when I see those in a grocery store, when I feel physically tired and want to consume a stimulant, etc.
So the next time I 'crave' a specific food, I will consider whether or not I'm hungry, whether I had satisfying experiences with that food or whether I habitually ate that food and liked the taste, but experienced uncomfortable reactions. Perhaps eating more hummers and less becknoners will help me stop eating when I'm comfortably full, and less often crave more food after I feel satisfied. Recognizing those nonhunger cravings are motivated by habit, rather than satisfying experiences, could also help me choose the hummers instead of beckoners.
(NOTE: I just procrastinated my regular after lunch walk until the weather turned sunny by writing this post, rather than snack.)
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