Thursday, May 21, 2009

Find Truth Get Free

I mentioned previously that I started a yahoo support group (board). We're a small, but very actively posting group. Since May 2 (not quite 3 weeks ago), we had 768 posts. I'm not only amazed by the activity, but I'm very impressed by our members' honesty, courage and hard work to change and/or eliminate problem eating habits. If that topic interests readers of this blog, read our board description below and consider applying for membership. Here's the board description:

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

We welcome anyone who wants to change problem eating habits. We believe we have the inner resources and answers to resolve our own eating problems. After we identify those problems, we then seek solutions from our own experiences. We know that we don’t always use problem habits. So we look for those times and occasions when we resist problem eating. We encourage one another to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t work. We don’t need to resolve all of our psychological problems just to change eating habits. So we focus on making the small changes which eventually eliminate problem eating habits. Whether you are overweight, underweight or just unhealthy, you know your own habits and strengths better than anyone else. We can help you realize what you already know to resolve your problem. The truth will set you free.

Because we actively seek solutions for our own problem habits, we want every member to actively post about their specific habit, when they resist using that and how they resolve their problem. So we discourage 'lurkers' or people who only intend to read our messages, but not post their own, from applying for membership.

The link to our board is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/findtruthgetfree

After you apply for membership, I will send you 3 questions to answer about why you chose to apply for membership:

(1) Do you want to eliminate or resist using a specific problem eating habit? If so, please describe that habit.

(2) Do you notice times or occasions when you don't use that habit or you are most likely to resist using that habit?

(3) What differences do you hope to see as a result of participating on this board?

After I receive your answers, I will approve your membership. Then you can start reading, posting, asking and answering questions from our members. I hope to hear from you soon.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Insights from Food House Fantasy

I can hardly believe everything I learned from doing my 'food house fantasy'. I'll describe those insights as I review each paragraph from my food house fantasy post:

That cute little HOUSE vision reminds me how I dislike all the messes and clutter in my current house. I don't like knicknacks or stuff sitting on all the tables, window sills or counters. Yet I have CHAOS in my studio and office. I would feel much more comfortable in my environment if I cleared out the clutter and kept it clear!

The FOODS in my vision told me that I love starchy, thick, filling foods. I prefer casseroles with vegies, meat and grains mixed together over entrees with separate meat, vegies and starch. Not only can I judge from a serving of casserole how much I need to feel satisfied, but I also like that smorgasboard of tastes and textures from each bite of casserole (or stir fried dish) in my mouth. When I'm hungry, I most often feel the hunger deep in the pit of my stomach. So I want filling, warm and often starchy foods when I'm really hungry. I also love and have ALWAYS loved ice cream or cookies for dessert ... just a couple of spoonfuls of ice cream after heavy meals or a cooky after lighter (like salad) meals. My preferences seem obvious from my description of foods in my food house fantasy. LOL

What's amazing is how much I've changed what I eat since I did that fantasy. I made uncheese (nonallergic ingredients) to top pizza 2 days ago. With the leftover cheese sauce I plan to make a nice starchy macaroni, brocolli, chicken and cheese casserole. On the day we had pizza for dinner, I had a meat, vegie and rice casserole for lunch. I've had hot cooked cereal every day since that fantasy. Yesterday I ate a peanut butter wrap with a lot more peanut butter for lunch. Then for dinner I only ate half of my plate of fish and vegies so I could save the rest for a lunch casserole today. I added more vegies to that casserole for my lunch today. Then I had ice cream for dessert. For dinner tonight I just had a sandwich with an orange and a few more spoonfuls of a new ice cream flavor (coconut). I realize I really like a heavy lunch, because that's when I feel hungriest. However at night I like a lighter, mostly carbs, dinner to help me relax and go to sleep earlier. I don't mind feeling hungry when I go to bed, because I like to wake up hungry and have a filling breakfast. I don't need a heavy dinner at night unless I'm going out after dinner.

My most interesting insight was how much I HATE having to take digestive enzymes, HCl and probiotics just to digest foods. Ironically I had to abstain from all those digestive supplements for 3 days before doing another stool test for 'bad bugs' in my intestines. I won't learn the results of that test for another month. However I learned I do pretty well WITHOUT all those digestive enzymes. I certainly can't overeat without discomfort or reflux, but I digest better than I thought I would. Since taking that test I have tried adding back much smaller amounts of those digestive supplements. I'll definitely stay OFF probiotics until I hear whether I actually need those to fight bad bugs in my gut. Probiotics cause too much uncomfortably gas, no matter how long I've taken them. I never 'adjust'.

However I've also taken just a tiny dose of HCl before meals and/or a pancreatin enzyme after meals. I just don't need as much. I began taking those to improve regularity. Like everything else I tried, digestive supplements helped improve regularity FOR AWHILE. Then I eventually returned to my 'normal' irregularity, which is why I had to take another stool test. Nevetheless, I also suspect I used digestive enzymes as a 'crutch' when I overate, to help me comfortably digest extra food. An easier approach would be to just eat less more often. Without needing to take HCl everytime I ate, I could more easily snack between meals and wouldn't be so apt to overeat at meals to 'make it until' the next meal. DUUUHHHHH!! Of course it took a food house fantasy to convince me of the obvious. LOL

Even if my test results come back totally negative (which will be surprising given my history with bad gut bugs), the requirement that I abstain from digestive supplements for 3 days before the test was well worth the expense of the test. Maybe my digestion improved as I ate normally and abstained from bingeing and purging. Maybe those HCl supplements primed my stomach to make more of its own HCl. Whatever happened, I'll experiment with taking less digestive enzymes less often.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Food House Fantasy Insights

On my Find Truth Get Free message board I posted a 'guided daydream' or fantasy which I read in "The Psychologist's Eat Anything Diet" by Leonard Pearson. Basically the 'fantasizer' gets relaxed, closes her eyes and imagines lying in a grassy meadow listening to birds, hearing a gentle breeze and feeling the warm sun on her face. Then she gets up and follows a path to a house at the edge of a woods. As she enters the house she realizes that the house is filled with ALL of her favorite foods or everything she ever wanted to eat. There is nobody else there, however she can invite 1 or more people to share this house visit. She can do whatever she wants the foods. She can return as often as she wants. After awhile she is told she must soon leave, but she has a few moments to do whatever she wants. Then she leaves, returns to htem meadow, lies back down and then awakens in her current reality.

Then the fantasizer answers a few questions about what she saw in the house, what she did, whom she invited, what she ate, how she felt about the house and its contents and how she felt about leaving the house. I will describe below my answers to those questions about my own food house fantasy. Here's how I visualized the house, the room filled with food, and how I felt and what I thought while I was there:

I could vividly see the house. It was a cute little log cottage, surrounded by
flowers and fruit trees, with a huge front porch with comfy chairs. There were
curtains in the window. I walked into the 'living room' where I saw bouquets of flowers everywhere, maple furniture which I could smell and braided rugs on hardwood floors which I could also smell. (I love the smell of wood and flowers.) However I was overwhelmed by the smell of fresh baked bread wafting from the kitchen.

I followed the scent into the kitchen, where I saw a huge basket of all kinds of fresh fruit on the table. On the counter were 2 loaves of freshly baked chewy bread with lots of seeds and nuts. In the oven was a hot casserole with beans or chicken, rice and vegies. On the stove was a huge pot of thick soup, maybe split pea or chicken vegie. In the freezer part of the refrigerator were several pints of ice cream, each a different flavor, and many ready to thaw and heat frozen entrees. In the refrigerator were containers of salads (like I buy in a deli), which I could just open and eat. I also saw several tubs of different kinds of freshly ground nutbutters, several large chunks of cheese, a tub of butter and a huge jar of mayonnaise. I also saw bottles of good wines, a container of apple ginger juice and a jar of pineapple juice. In the pantry cupboard were a jar of cashews, a 5 pound jar of peanut butter, a cannister of crackers, a cooky jar filled to the brim, a container of dates, and many pop-top cans of chicken, salmon and shrimp.

I didn't think about eating any of those foods. I just took in all the sights
and smells, because I knew I could come back to that kitchen anytime I wanted. However, I did open the back door and find a garden with ripe berries, grapes and all kinds of fresh vegies waiting to eaten. There was also a well with fresh spring water.

I felt RELIEVED because I didn't have to prepare or cook any of the food, but also because the food would always be fresh. So I didn't have to worry about anything going bad. Maybe some local elves shopped, prepared and managed all the food. LOL Also there were NO vitamins or digestive enzymes in the house, because I could eat and normally digest any of the foods. Once I entered the house I would have no food allergies or gastrointestinal problems. I could just eat and enjoy the food without worrying about how I would react.

I recall thinking, when I had to leave, that I will return again very soon. I didn't worry about locking the door, because I thought the house was my secret. I thought that only people I invited could find the house, if/when I wanted to share the house with them. Right now I can only think of one person whom I might invite.

My fantasy suggested what I miss in 'real life' and also what I might do differently. Most of all, on my 'miracle day' I would wake up without food allergies or sensitivities! LOL

I'll discuss what I learned from that fantasy in my next post. Meanwhile, consider having your own food house fantasy. LOL

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Yet Another Stool Test

At my naturopath's office I recently picked up my take home stool test kit. OH JOY! LOL I must abstain from all probiotics, digestive enzymes and betaine hydrochloride for 3 days before using that test. Then I can do the test Tuesday morning, call Fed Ex for a pickup and return to using whatever digestive aids I believe I need.

During the past 24 hours I enjoyed the break from taking probiotics, which cause gas and bloating; betaine hydrochloride, which cause acid reflux if I don't eat soon enough after taking those; and digestive enzymes, which I need to take 30-60 minutes AFTER I begin meal. Taking those digestive supplements plus removing Invisiline aligners before the meal, then after the meal brushing and flossing my teeth, brushing the aligner, and reinserting the aligners makes meals pretty complicated, not to mention preparing food.

However I noticed yesterday that whenever I eat any meat and maybe fats, I get pains in my upper right quadrant, where my gallbladder is located. So I suspect using the HCl either increased my acid level enough to stimulate production of pancreatin (enzymes which digest fats and protein) OR just taking pancreatin supplements helped me digest fats and protein. Whatever supplements I took previously, I'm not taking now. So the pain suggests that I really do need those supplements. If I seem to be guessing what I need to resolve digestive difficulty, I observed doctors and naturopaths do the same thing--THEY GUESS the cause of symptoms, prescribe a treatment and wait for that symptom to disappear or get worse.

I need to continue eating without digestive supplements for 2 more days to clear my body (and intestines) of anything that might prevent bad bugs from appearing in my test sample. So all the dangerous critters get a 3 day holiday until my test on Tuesday morning. LOL Meanwhile I will eat more vegan protein sources which are easier to digest. However at this point I'm uncertain whether I really need HCl before meals or just pancreatin after meals. I'll try just one or the other with the first meal I eat after I mail in my test results on Tuesday.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My Stomach Speaks Loudly Now

For the past 3 days I paid close attention to my stomach cues dinner. I distinctly felt that sensation of 'just enough' or 'not hungry but not full'. I had committed to put away food after I felt comfortably full. I did just that after eating only part of my dinner on Tuesday (when I left about 1/3 of my dinner), Wednesday and Thursday (when I put away a little less than 1/2 of my dinner for another meal). I was so amazed when I distinctly felt that not hungry, not full sensation, even while I watched an exciting netflix movie ("Fireproof") during dinner. My 'enough' cue is no longer elusive, maybe because my stomach knows I listen and will respond appropriately.

I'm not trying to limit what I eat in order to lose weight. I'm at my ideal weight. However overeating burdens my already challenged digestive system, for which I already take betaine hydrochloride capsules to facilitate digestion. Eating just enough to satisfy hunger doesn't make my stomach work as hard or as long to digest a meal. I also have suffered from cold/flu symptoms for the past 10 days or so. Those increased in severity almost a week ago after I visited a new penguin exhibit at our local zoo. So I've told everyone I have 'penguin flu'. LOL Nevertheless, eating less at dinner allows me to get to sleep earlier and sleep longer (before the sunlight wakes me up the next morning).

I won't take digestive enzymes (Pancreatin) after dinner for a few days, in order to prepare for another stool test to diagnose what's happening in my gut now. My last test revealed I had the cryptosporidum parasite, which explained why I felt so crappy for awhile. I hope the next text reveals something easily treatable. However I don't look forward to the side effects of treatment. I usually get nausea, gas and bloating from almost all antibacterial, antifungal or antiparasitic treatments.

I'm pleased and amazed that I could learn to recognize 'just enough' so quickly. Maybe I just needed a few good reasons to stop at 'enough'. I suspect I previously sensed enough, but talked myself out of stopping. Now I can easily recognize 'enough' and stop eating. I look forward to a 'leftover' casserole for lunch this weekend, when we plan to make pizza for dinner. Pizza seems too much like a sandwich for me to eat a sandwich for lunch and pizza for dinner. I like variety from meal to meal, except on occasional days when I want peanut butter at every meal. LOL

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Update on Exceptions to Overeating

Maybe establishing a rewarding habit helps me decrease using another habit with negative consequences. Whatever the logic ... my previous post about my search for exceptions to overeating at meals helped me increase my exceptions today. I threw out 2 spoonfuls of cooked breakfast cereal. At lunch I ate 4 slices of orange, only a couple bites of cantaloupe and stored the rest. At dinner I saved about 2/3 of my salmon filet for another meal, because I enjoyed the rice with leftover garbanzo beans (from a previous salad) more than the salmon, which will taste great on a future salad.

I used to save food more often, but I got out of the habit. Now I feel doubly rewarded. First I realize saving food helps me more easily stop after eating 'just enough'. Then I get to enjoy my leftovers at a future meal when I'm hungry enough to savor the flavor. I'm counting the 'exceptions' to my 'I ignore my stomach cues and overeat at meals' belief about myself. This feels easier the second time around, after having practiced 'tossing or saving food' a few months ago.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Focus on Belief and Habit Change

I previously believed therapists and eating disorder experts who said that I needed to resolve my psychological problems in order to ‘recover’ from my disordered eating habits. So I read books, went to groups, posted online and talked to therapists about self-esteem, my relationships, professional stress and even my unresolved feelings about my abusive childhood. I believed that insights about myself, my past, my relationship or my lifestyle would magically resolve my eating problems.

However, I continued to binge and purge regularly. Eventually I learned about ‘normal eating’ and attempted occasionally to eat only when I felt hungry and stop eating when I felt full. Then I took a class that convinced me to commit fulltime to normal eating. After that class my binge/purge rate decreased by 50%. However, I still binged and purged, while I worked on those ‘other’ psychological issues.

Then I was diagnosed with celiac disease and 6 additional food allergies. I believed that those allergies caused my disordered eating habits, after reading theories about 'opiate peptides' from undigested food proteins (which caused allergic reactions). I also believed abstaining from my allergy foods would end my binge/purge habits. Then I started bingeing on ‘safe’ foods, which disproved my theory that food allergies made me binge.

Meanwhile, I read 3 books which eventually changed my view of ‘recovery’ from disordered eating.

In “Rules of Normal Eating” Karen Koenig taught me that my BELIEFS influenced my emotions which influenced my habits. She also described exercises by which I could ‘practice’ normal eating.

In the Appetite Awareness workbook, Linda W. Craighead wrote: “Appetite awareness training begins with a model that describes the various reasons an individual starts, continues, and ultimately stops eating … This model does not explain why you developed your current eating patterns; it just helps you figure out why you eat (or don’t eat) and why you stop (or don’t stop). AAT teaches you to analyze what happens each time you eat … You figure out what led you to eat and what led you to stop eating. This is a much easier task than trying to come up with the ‘real’ reason you have an eating problem, or trying to find a ‘simple solution’ to your eating problems. In AAT you tackle one eating decision at a time and you get better and better at making more effective eating decisions.” AAT taught me to change my eating habits by making different decisions.

In “Brief Therapy and Eating Disorders” Barbara McFarland wrote: “the client is doing the best she can and is capable of resolving her specific complaint (problem which) she brings to the therapist ... Nothing always happens. There are always exceptions or nonproblem patterns, and the (therapist’s) task (is to) assist clients to discover these exceptions ... the solutions are already within the client’s repertoire of behaviors and, thus, likely to be repeatable.” That taught me that I could change my eating habits by looking for and repeating exceptions to my problem behaviors. I later realized that those ‘exceptions’ could disprove my irrational beliefs about eating and food.

Ideas from those 3 books convinced me to stop trying to understand my eating habits and begin to focus on replacing counterproductive habits with ‘normal eating’. Like many others with disordered eating habits, ‘trying’ to change my habits really meant circling all around my habits, like a pilot circles the airport before landing. As long as I focused on all my psychological problems, I avoided 'landing' on my eating habits.

When I decided to honestly admit what I believed about food and eating, I began to change those beliefs and more easily change my eating habits. I focused on changing individual disordered habits, by first decreasing binge/purge episodes, then by committing not to purge, which eliminated bingeing, and finally by decreasing overeating episodes. I knew that slips or lapses back into disordered eating were part of my recovery process. However, I also believed that those slips could teach me more about what I needed to change. When I tenaciously clung to irrational beliefs about overeating, I began to look for exceptions to problem habits. Those ‘exceptions’ helped me challenge and replace my problem beliefs. Throughout that recovery process I BELIEVED I had the inner resources to change my beliefs as well as my disordered eating habits.

Finding and Increasing Exceptions

In my previous post I listed beliefs which influenced my hestitation to stop eating when I felt comfortably satisfied. One of those beliefs is "If I stop when I feel satisfied (not hungry but not overly full), I will feel deprived." However I have noticed occasions or meals that I do NOT feel deprived when I stop eating at the point of comfortable fullness. Those occasions are EXCEPTIONS to my belief (or even 'rule') that I will feel deprived when I stop eating at my 'comfortable' point.

My 'exceptions' to my deprivation belief include:

When I eat at restaurants, I plan to take home leftovers, because I believe restaurant portions are too large. I look forward to having a second meal from my restaurant leftovers.

When I serve myself with the rest of my meal sliced fruit (apples, oranges, pears) in a plastic bag for leftovers, I can easily stop at 'enough' and leave the fruit for another meal.

When I save leftover portions of entre meats, vegies, soups, casseroles, I look forward to using that food in future soup or casserole creations.

So I began to consider my beliefs about those 'exceptions' in order to find more exceptions to my 'deprivation' belief. Then I realized that in restaurants I not only believed I would receive more food than I needed, I looked forward to eating the extra food at a future meal. In the sliced fruit exception, I believed I could easily stop eating at 'enough' and put the extra slices in the refrigerator for another meal. However, I also believed I would ENJOY that fruit more when I felt hungry again, than if I continued to eat it past my satisfaction point.

I also considered what I've read, that stopping at satisfied is easier if you believe you can eat the same food again anytime you want. Then I realized I DID NOT believe I could always eat the 'same food' anytime I want, because I rarely LET myself eat the same food again as a snack or part of a future meal. I usually vary my meals so that I won't feel bored by what I eat. When I eat a bowl of hot cereal I usually do not want to save small amounts, because I don't think that will taste appetizing later. Rather than throw out 2-3 bites, I just eat those last bites and often feel uncomfortable. When I eat a salad, I don't believe I can safely eat leftover dressed salad a day or 2 later, because I fear bacterial growth on salad leftovers. So I don't believe I will let myself enjoy some foods again, because I don't let myself leave leftovers of certain foods. Nevertheless, I can eat hot cereal every morning if I want. My husband would love to eat entree dinner salads every night. Yet I still didn't trust that I will let myself have the same food again, if I stop eating at the point of enough.

So I tried increasing my 'exceptional' circumstances. I frequently included an easily storeable food (like fruit) in most lunches. I saved some of last night's salad and had a few bites of my leftover salad at lunch today. I ate the same hot cereal and fruit for several days in a row until I got tired of it. I even ate peanut butter and fruit for breakfast and peanut butter and fruit for lunch yesterday. I remembered how much I enjoyed making soups and/or casseroles from little containers of my leftovers from meals. All those 'exceptions' helped convince me that saving excess food is more pleasurable than eating all the food I serve myself and making myself uncomfortably full. I can enjoy those leftovers more when I'm hungry again at another meal, on a different day or even in a different form. All those 'exceptions' to my belief about deprivation changed my belief from usually true to rarely true.

Beliefs are like rules. We can find exceptions to rules. If we find enough exceptions, we may no longer trust those rules. We may even change those rules. Likewise we can change our beliefs, if we look for, find and increase the possibility of exceptions.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 5

After I learned to eat only when I was physically hungry and stop eating when I felt satisfied or comfortably full, the following beliefs made me resist stopping when I felt comfortable. Again I will list each irrational belief followed by a description of how I changed that belief and/or the new belief:

IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will feel 'deprived', esp. if I don't eat dessert, which will make me binge later.

After I considered my beliefs about 'deprivation' and other areas where I felt 'deprived', my new belief became: I can always more of the same food or even a dessert the next time I feel hungry or at the next meal. However continuing to eat past 'satisfied' will deprive me of physical comfort for awhile after the meal.

IB If I stop eating when I feel 'satisfied' or comfortably full, I will get hungry between meals, start snacking and then binge.

After I challenged and changed my belief about 'snacks lead to binges', I no longer feared getting hungry between meals. So my new belief became: I can eat anytime I feel moderately hungry, whether I choose a small snack to delay a meal or I choose a larger meal. So I don't need to overeat to avoid between meal hunger.

IB If I stop at 'satisfied' I will get hungry and snack between meals. Then I won't feel hungry for a scheduled meal with my husband. So I will eat when I'm not hungry, which will make me overeat at that meal.

After I experimented with snacks of different kinds of foods, I discovered which foods could satisfy my hunger just enough for the moment, but allow me to become hungry for a later meal. So my new belief became: If I feel hungry between meals I can eat just enough of a snack to temporarily satisfy hungry but be hungry again before a meal.

IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full, I will get low blood sugar symptoms before the next meal, feel desperate to eat and either binge or overeat at the next meal.

After I observed which foods or combination of foods kept me UNhungry for long periods, I realized that I could eat comfortable amounts of foods with 'staying power', rather than stuff myself to prevent low blood sugar before the next meal. So my new belief became: I can stop eating foods with staying power when I feel comfortably full and stay unhungry for long periods.

IB If I stop eating when I feel satisfied, I will waste food by not eating everything I served myself.

I tried several approaches to challenge this belief (1) I left a few bites of food on my plate every meal; (2) I kept a leftovers storage container by my place at the table to remind me to store excess food in the fridge, not my stomach; (3) I tried to guesstimate how much to serve myself by using my loosely clenched fist as a guideline for my stomach size; and (4) I 'observed and corrected' with various meals how much was too much and how much felt just right. Eventually my new belief became: I can avoid wasting food by serving myself 'comfortable sized portions' or by storing leftovers in the freezer, but I waste food whether I throw it away or eat excess food which I don't need.

Despite my efforts to challenge and change my beliefs about eating past satisfaction, I still sometimes hear myself saying: "I'm not hungry, but I'm not full. I could stop now, but I want to eat more until I know that I'm DEFINITELY full." Satisfaction seems so elusive that I often prefer to stop eating when I feel obvious pain, rather than elusive 'not hungry, not full'. However, I learned that, if I stop when I feel neither hungry nor full, my stomach will soon tell me that I reached 'full' after it digests the food a little more. If I eat very slowly and focus on my physical sensations, my stomach will send me 'comfortably full' signals. Nevertheless, rather than keep eating after I reach the not hungry/not full point, I can choose to ignore my self talk and just stop eating. When I choose to just stop, I observe that I can survive without those extra bites.

Changing Beliefs, Changing Habits Part 4

In this post I will list my irrational beliefs about purging and bingeing followed by purging and then describe how I replaced those beliefs:

IB Once I start bingeing I can't stop until I binge enough to purge.

After I honestly admitted that I chose to binge eat, I realized I could choose to shorten a binge and eventually reduce binges to overeating or large snacks. So my new belief became: Even after I choose to binge, every bite is a new decision point, when I can stop eating, put the food away, and do something else.

IB Purging will eliminate the 'binge' calories.

When I tracked my binge/purge episodes and weight, I observed that months when I frequently binged, I also weighed more. Then I read that by the time I purged, I had already digested most of the simple sugar calories, from my mostly sweet binge foods. I only purged fiber, fats and protein which could keep me unhungry longer and prevent another binge. So my new belief became: Purging may eliminate a few calories, but not enough to escape weight related consequences of binges.

IB If I feel uncomfortable from indigestion or nausea (after eating a moderate amount of food), I might just as well binge so I can purge and 'get rid of' whatever caused the nausea or stop digestive pain.

I learned that celiac disease and food allergy reactions occur in the small intestine, which purging doesn't affect. By the time I sense painful reactions, the problem food is in my intestine. Rather than try to stop the digestive process with purging, I could more effectively treat the pain with herbal teas, exercise or heating pads. So my new belief became: Purging may empty stomach contents, but vomiting doesn't affect celiac or food allergy reaction which cause pain in the intestines.

IB Purging won't hurt me as much as bingeing without purging.

es and dehydrated my body, which caused constipation. Above all, allowing myself to purge gave me permission to binge. So my new belief became: Purging is as physically harmful as bingeing, but even worse because it gives me permission to binge.

Bingeing and purging are shameful habits, which I must never reveal.

The longer I hid those habits from others, the more ashamed I felt. When I shared my experiences with others who used those habits, I felt less shame. Eventually I learned that by bingeing and purging I was doing "the best I could with what I knew at the time". As I searched for answers and talked to others, I learned more and made better choices. So my new belief became: Bingeing and purging are merely ineffective coping habits, which when shared, can be explored and resolved.

Bingeing and purging cause my painful gastrointestinal symptoms.

For many years that belief discouraged me from revealing painful gut symptoms to my doctor. Unfortunately when I told my doctor about my habits, she only asked if I saw a therapist. Likewise, when I told my therapist about my painful gut symptoms, she told me to see my doctor. Neither wanted to talk about my gut symptoms. When I found a doctor who listened to my gut symptoms, she dismissed those as 'ibs', which I later learned was a catch-all diagnosis for gut symptoms which docs couldn't explain. Years later, I learned I had celiac disease, food allergies and bacterial dysbiosis (excessive bad bacteria and a parasite in my intestines). Those conditions were related more to heredity (I have the CD gene) and using doctor prescribed antiacid drugs. So my new belief became: Although bingeing and purging can cause some uncomfortable symptoms, celiac disease, food alleries, bacterial dysbiosis and hypochlorida (low stomach acid) caused my excruciating gut symptoms.

Because bingeing and purging were my most 'disordered' eating habits for many years, replacing my beliefs about those habits and considering exceptional times, when I binged and purged less often helped me decrease my disordered eating episodes. Now I focus on eliminating overeating by increasing the times I stop eating when I feel satisfied or comfortably full.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

New Discussion Group/Board

Anyone who follows my 'healthy within journey' on this blog may also like to participate in the Yahoo group I created today. The link to that board is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/findtruthgetfree

You can decide if the board focus fits your needs after you read the description. I also posted 3 comments, a link to this blog and a poll.

If you already joined, feel free to start posting comments to my topics or create your own topics. ENJOY!!